REUBENVILLE

2010 update

2010-09-20T00:33:00.003+10:00

It's been years and for that I do apologise. But from the start of 2011 there will be a new face to my ramblings.
Angry at my lack of blog posts. Here is a list of people who you can personally thank/beat up as a result:

Martin Pakula
Melbourne University's Architecture department (stand by for a mega rant).
Facebook
Rupert Murdoch
Tony Abbott
The Dog and Lemon Guide to Cars
Sherlock (the modern day adaptation by Steven Moffatt - pure genius).
Dr. Who (also by Moffatt)
My new job at the train company (yes it's true, alas).
November State Election.
The Pope

Should I close this down? No. There's far too many half baked ramblings from an intellectual bygone age; too many mementos to not keep sacred.

A while later...

2009-08-31T18:34:00.004+10:00

Yes I know it's been yonks since I've contributed to Reubenville, perhaps so because of the demands placed on getting a job, losing it, doing university full time and maintaining and active social life. Facebook is also a blog-impetus removal device. Not much has changed in my life though. Some uni subjects are still wank. Others are terrific. As of today, the state Water Minister, Tim Holding has vanished. Life is looking up, down, left and right.

Winter Captions

2009-06-30T17:30:00.011+10:00

It's that wonderful, wet season again...and how better to celebrate by posting the most embarrassing conundrums I get myself in and see what humor you can generate from them. Enjoy:

1.
Reuben attempts to belt the camera-man over the head with some Mercury Apple Cidar, but such a crisis is swiftly averted by Travis' thumb.

2. Militant atheism descends on an inner city park with much gusto.

3.Reuben shares a wonderful moment with a clown.

4.Reuben starves off an attack by an afro with lunatic attached.

5. Reuben bolsters decorum at fancy dress party by sporting a marvelous hat.

6.Reuben argues why biting his left shoulder is not the best idea under the circumstances...

7.Reuben attempts to capture dinner: Redhead Surprise with Basaltic Rice

8. The selling of sex begins in earnest in Healesville Coles' carpark.

Some things never change...

2009-06-28T22:00:00.001+10:00

...and some do. Connex and Yarra Trams have been replaced, officially, by MTR a Hong Kong-based transport enterprise. Apparently they have a 99% reliability record in Hong Kong. On the surface that sounds good, but I remain slightly skeptical. I think they might be better than Connex. Connex has a bad reputation overseas as well as here. But does MTR? No... oh well we'll see how this plays out. To borrow and alter Obama's election slogan "change has come to Melbourne".

In another news, State Planning Minister Justin Madden has attempted to justify his government's latest (and rightly oppobrious). I'll respond to segments (salient and relevant ones)...

"Some planning critics, being ideologically opposed to growth suburbs, might look down on this. I reject such cultural snobbery and think that many of the critics have the debate framed wrongly."

Oh yes...urban planning isn't a true science. It's actually a cultural movement!!1! How stupid of all those universities to offer courses in that discipline. The truth is, Mr. Madden, that it's got nothing to do with cultural snobbery. Ironically it's his government's policies that create social problems and meager cultural enrichment that defines the so called elite suburbs of Fitzroy and St. Kilda. Is Madden arguing that people in those 'elite suburbs' hate those in the outer suburbs? Has he got some super dooper top secret information on underground gang wars between Brunswick's artistic community and the good residents of Belgrave?

"It's not about the urban growth boundary versus infill development."

Here Madden is contradicting his own department. Brumby has mentioned, proudly, on numerous occasions about how growth is the be all and end all. You can't have growth and environmental and liveability sustainability. It's incompatible. What's it going to be, Madden: the growth going up or the growth going down?

"Planning policy should be about the aspirations of individual Victorians. I enjoyed growing up on Melbourne's fringe. It wasn't perfect, but it had so many things going for it."

Are the outer suburbs more popular than the inner suburbs? That would be a more salient point to make. The truth is, even if people prefer the outer suburbs, it doesn't mean they don't want better public transport - particularly rail connections out there. And does that make it an elite suburb? Are elite suburbs just ones with good public transport?

"I totally reject the sort of intellectual superiority of some "planning experts" that would dictate an inflexible planning solution. People deserve choice. If they want to live in tram-track suburbs, good planning gives them the choice to do that. If growing suburbs on the fringe of the city meet their needs, then there must be appropriate supply."

So thereby voiding your government of appropriate planning? Argumentum ad ignoranum is a very powerful tool; repeat a lie long enough and it eventually gets excepted as fact. Planning experts are not being biased or deliberately incendiary. They're giving valid critique based on their experience. Why can't the government take them as seriously as they do the Reserve Bank economists? This is a sad case of politics defeating science. Clouding debate like a toxic vaper of Conservative Mormons going door-to-door.

"Critics of the Government's plan will seek to point out what they believe is wrong with Melbourne 2030. But if there is a comprehensive alternative to protecting and managing our growth and liveability, we are yet to hear it."

Oh Justin...does nobody think you have brains? There's a wealth of examples and knowledge out there if you'd care to look. Just glance over The Greens' transport plan. The submissions towards Melbourne2030 audits of whom I was a contributor. Are you telling me you haven't been listening? Oh that's right! All those nasty, evil greenie experts are biased. They're cultural snobs...how could I have forgotten that. Great argument lock here.

"The future is about opening up new land for development while securing new schools, roads, community facilities and services, public transport and health care."

Quantity over quality: a Labor politician's aphrodesiac. Enjoy, Melbournians...you voted these spineless developer-sycophants in.

Justin Madden does not deliver a good argument. He relies solely on the (patently erroneous) assumption that it's about cultural elitism...something, if it existed, his government could fix by boosting infrastructure in the outer suburbs. His opinion piece is an omission of failure dressed up in spin and nonsense.

Derailing my time

2009-05-21T13:21:00.002+10:00

Too much work, too much booze and too much non-blog fun has led me to slightly abandon this blog of late. But do not fear, the exam period is nearly over and so I shall be posting routinely again soon. It's all very hectic.

In other news, my mum has recently allowed a friend of hers who recently turned homeless to shack up in our house for an extended period of time. I got this random call out of the blue and she's like "she's staying for a few months, perhaps". So long as she doesn't use my computer (and locate my porn), I'm happy...

My Mobile

2009-05-03T15:37:00.000+10:00

My mobile phone is on its last legs. Since about ten days ago, it's been spontaneously turning itself off. A loose electrical connection? That certainly seemed to be the case given that, after knocking it and 'wriggling' it a bit, it turned back on - as if the connection had been reestablished. But anyway, I'm thinking of getting an new phone. Mine's fairly ancient and has lasted me a good six years which - as far as mobile phones are concerned - is quite a feat. Compared to other phones, mine's in a retirement home with the IV drip about to be pulled.

Now how to get a replacement? I'm fairly sure the SIM card is unscathed...so that makes things much cheaper and easier when I replace it. I'm wanting a similar styled phone. One that isn't flimsy or susceptible to breakage on account of some new-age design that makes the phone look like some kind of wallet with an LCD screen. I want a durable phone; one that can be knocked around without the important features and mechanics being effected. A phone similar to this one will do nicely.
As for the ring-tone, I was thinking this trance/nightclub song, I've recently become addicted to:

Towers and Captions

2009-04-26T23:41:00.000+10:00

Some billionaire wants to build high density apartments and offices in South Melbourne. My concern for South Melbourne and Southbank together is that they'll be turned into a mini-CBD without proper planning and adherence to the most rudimentary provisions that come with high density suburbs. It's already happening. Southbank is proverbially the most congested and unpleasant part of the inner city area to be in. The combination of the freeway, Crown Casino and light industry makes it an unpleasant area. I like the idea of high density, but as I've said before, I believe appropriate infrastructure must be provided as a matter of course.

And now for a light-hearted development: caption time. I want the funniest you can muster.

1. Reuben, in a drunken stupor, forgets to open his right eye.

2. Reuben hastily points out that whilst it may look like beer, urine is anything but...however he was too late.

3. Reuben gives his sack of cheap wine (goon) a stern telling off for eating his crisps.

4. Reuben's feet pass out from all the alcohol, and in an attempt to right himself against gravity, he lunges to the nearest shoulder.

5. "Bailleys travels this way...hic."

6. Reuben, after a bit of a struggle involving some Horseradish, allows Pru to smell whatever bollocks he's been drinking...

7. Reuben makes an obscene gesture with his almost-empty Strongbow bottle in an attempt to attract a mate.

The new messiah

2009-04-21T16:09:00.000+10:00

Who does Russell T. Davies, outgoing Director of Doctor Who for the last several years, think he is? God? If you've been watching the latest episodes like I have, you'd have noticed a tendency to paint the character of The Doctor in a messianic way. This was typified nicely in the Christmas Special of 2008 - 'The Next Doctor' - where The Doctor is clearly portrayed as not just a hero, but also a savior. In the last few scenes where he 'saves the day', we tend to get him smiling and waving at a cohort of assembled humans and they appear to be revering him and even the character of Jackson Lake (the man who The Doctor has saved in that episode) says "I know that man; that Doctor on high. And I know he's done this deed a thousand times...but not once, no sir not ever has he ever been thanked...so I say to you on this Christmas Morn, Bravo Sir! Bravo!"

This characterisation of The Doctor is also quite omnipotent in Season Four's finale. Just look at the way the lighting has been done here as the Doctor steps out of the TARDIS. The music is very bombastic and portentous - as if heralding the arrival of a true Son of God. See:

Anyway, you get my point. It's true that The Doctor is meant to "burn at the centre of time" and "feel the turn of the universe", but he's not particularly vulnerable anymore. His character can be mellowed out and toned-down a bit by simply taking away some of the messianic production elements such as the choral music and the lighting heralding his arrival on the scene. What are your thoughts?

The Boat That Rocked and Dr. No

2009-04-16T01:05:00.000+10:00

Another double review: The Boat that Rocked and Dr. No

The Boat That Rocked is a comedy film about a radio-broadcasting ship in the North sea, its idiosyncratic occupants and brazen (and satirical) attempts by the government at the time (the sixties) to have them eradicated. The plot revolves around a young man who arrives on the ship named Carl. Initially reluctant to partake in the amorous, drunken activities on the boat Carl eventually adapts. As this character begins to take shape, we learn of the other characters in a variety of humorous ways. We also learn of the government's attempts to silence their station; the minister in charge hires a Civil Servant called 'Twatt' who devises a series of measures to block the station - eventually resorting to military action to appease his boss. It's a linear plot.
I found The Boat That Rocked to be a delightful combination of strong character development and light humor. Any somber moments present (and there were a few scattered here and there) were inserted with tender care so as not to disrupt the flow. Character development was strong, but a little bit slow on the uptake and deepened progressively as the film progressed; the ship's 'captain' Quentin, for example, is revealed to be a very self-serving individual whereas initially we're led to believe he's quite benevolent and selfless. The dialogue is on-par, and includes a particularly funny scene when the said minister rebukes his staff over their hair saying "the only people who appreciate your hair are blind people, and even they can probably sense its profound ugliness". Production elements were also high in The Boat That Rocked. Good sixties music.
There's another review of it here.
Rating: 18/20
Trailer:

Dr. No was the first Bond film ever made. The film's story revolves around the evil Dr. No - a ruthless and cunning member of SPECTRE (the evil organisation that features in many James Bond films). The plot follows the standard Bond format: an incident gives MI7 reason to send in Bond, he meets a few attractive women (some of whom are working for the enemy), blows up a few enemies and their machines and then finally saves the day (and the 'goodie' women). I don't mind the formula; I like it.
Dr. No embodies that nice atmosphere that all the other Bond films do as well; there's a formidable sense of danger in almost every scene. The use of the robotic 'fire dragon' machine on Dr. No's island was the pinnacle of this adrenalin rush. The interactions with the women were interesting and not overtly sexual (sex was merely implied) and we see, quite lucidly, Bond's manipulative nature. Production elements, for its time, were high.
Rating: 18/20
Trailer:

Easter in the metropolis

2009-04-12T02:43:00.000+10:00

It's the season for alcohol, seeing family members and participating in socially-enhancing but logically meaningless rituals. As mentioned at Non-Linear Thinking, the campus Christians have been out in force (if you count a bunch of baggy-trouser wearing men with pimples as a force), but so have beggars. Last night, I was accosted by a tenacious beggar who was on the brink of mugging me. In the last two days, I have been insulted by Fundamentalist Catholics on a tram (a hilarious incident, actually), preached at by a rabidly-bigoted evangelical (to whom I curtly responded with a "Merry Christmas") and apprehended by a man preaching about how doomed the world is. Brilliant.
I really hate being talked at, stopped by or otherwise accosted by members of the public who need something. What makes them think I can provide them with anything? I would never jump to support any religion, no matter how benevolent they claim to be; I don't give beggars anything because it's not certain what they'll spend it on - and it's the government's job to look after them. If they're really pushy, however, I'll just throw change at them to get them to bugger off. Otherwise, no.
The recession will make society, as a whole, more desperate and - in seeking resources - we will see more beggars on the street. Good luck, world.

Too much time

2009-04-05T22:03:00.003+10:00

Some people have way too much time on their hands. Only someone with no job and no life comments on Facebook products.
Well how does it work? Every since the great Facebook revamp of March, 'products' (e.g. KitKats) assume the same format as 'friends'. So we get their statuses. I've 'become a fan of' various things, including Avocados. And whilst that's all well and good (I like avocados), I'm not remotely interested in their updates. I mean, how many witty or revealing things can an item of food say? And who actually writes them? Sadly that's not the end of it:
Look closely. Yes...that's right. Sad, time-free, jobless morons comment on the food itself. It reminds me of this post over at GrodsCorp.

V for Vendetta: pwned

2009-04-05T13:43:00.003+10:00

Over at Non-Linear Thinking, I've discussed how even movies cannot escape the wrath of the ultra-religious.
Sorry...I just can't be bothered posting it here as well. Go forth and read.

Also, check out this great video:

Planet of the Dead trailer

2009-04-02T21:03:00.001+11:00

It comes out out very soon; Easter.

Letter to a Minister

2009-04-01T13:16:00.003+11:00

I sent this off to Lynne Kosky this morning:

Dear Ms Kosky,

I wish to solemly retract all my previous attacks on your portfollio, your competency and anything other remotely scandalous or injurious that might have damanged your department. I now believe that you embody all that is good, intelligent and sensible about Labor governments and the tenacity to which they cling to freeway building and privatised public transport. We need more people like you in the world; to fight the scourge of grassroots activists like the Public Transport Users Association and Transport Textbook. These scum have no place in a corporatised transport planning department.

I hope you'll forgive me.

Regards,
Reuben VBM

P.S: Are we still going clubbing this Friday?

Her response was immediate.

Dear Reuben VBM,
Thanks for your apology. I have withdrawn all litigation efforts and will now dedicate a railway station in Cardinia in your name. You are an example to us all. Regarding the PTUA and Transport Textbook, don't worry. Me and Betts have a very cunning plan which I can't disclose at this stage (however, I will admit it involves shaving cream and mollasses).
Thanks for taking the time to write to me.

Yours Sincerly,
Lynne Kosky - Minister for Transport & The Arts.

P.S: Yeah sure dude! What time should we meet up? Pogo yeah?

The precendent has been set.

Camp Captions

2009-03-29T22:45:00.005+11:00

You have your work cut out for you. Camp photos from Alambee camp; university camp.

1.Reuben sports the latest in East Gippsland headgear at the local 'supermarket'.

2.In an attempt to retrieve his friend, a fellow drunk finds himself in a situation rather unbecoming.

3.Reuben's addiction to fame continues unabated, as he leisurely strolls into the armpit department of said local 'supermarket'.

4.NASA launches an astronaut into planet East Gippsland to investigate (unfounded) reports of intelligent life.

I've been slack

2009-03-24T12:35:00.003+11:00

Yes, I know I've let you readers down. But I have things like 'university', 'work' and a 'social life' beyond teh internet. It can be hard trying to entertain you by posting on public transport so often; the public transport news occurs too rapidly for me to catch up and most of it is just confirmations of what we already know: the government are idiots and bastards.
Anyways, I'm off for a two night camp from Friday to Sunday this week - part of my Environments @ University group. Alcohol + Bushlands = Fun. We were meant to go a month ago, but it got postponed due to the bushfires.

Finally, what do you make of this story? The Dalai Lama has been banned from visiting South Africa; he's not exactly a terrorist or a holocaust-denying facscist like David Irving so what's the big deal? Since when has South Africa been in bed with China?

Oh...and thank God we have Rudd.

Looking on the 'bright side'

2009-03-18T22:25:00.000+11:00

How often do people tell you to stop being so cynical, negative and to 'look on the bright side'? It happens to me often when I'm in a protracted political debate with someone who's looking for an 'exit' route. Public transport debates tend to attract such 'escapes' as do religious debates; I guess you could count it as an Ad Hominem attack - a basic logic fallacy - but it also is fairly juvenile. I'd say 'look on the bright side' to someone who was feeling depressed or was being uniformly morose, but it's not appropriate to an argument. I freely admit to being cynical, skeptical and opinionated - but I don't do this without reason. My scathing criticism of religion and public transport (mis)management in Victoria is not unjustified, or so I feel. Your thoughts?

Facebook pains

2009-03-14T14:11:00.003+11:00

They've got a new design up and it's completely and utterly pathetic. What were they thinking? Unlike before, I can't see the activities of my friends, I can't see their connections with other friends, I only get a few of their status updates and the whole thing is just an ergonomic flop. Idiots.

In positive news, my new Facebook group 'We need a rail line to Melbourne Airport' has now reached new levels of membership - thanks to a volley of calls of support from friends and friends of friends and friends of friends of friends.

A growing movement

2009-03-10T16:20:00.000+11:00

Us commuters are weary, angry and distrustful of government; understandably. How can you blame us? Well one thing that's a sure sign of commuter sentiment is the proliferation of Facebook groups that are expressing sheer outrage and frustration at a total lack of leadership. They include:

Of course, it's important to realise that some of these groups are just annoying whinging with little or no motivation to protest (or, at the very least, join the Public Transport Users Association; they're not expensive). Joining a Facebook group rarely involves some sort of serious thought and reflection; just the click of a button.
But for argument's sake, let's compare this to commuters angry at Vancouver's rail network. Perhaps they're just as irate as we are.
.. .........
........
..............................*searching*............
The result? No such groups exist. Vancouver's commuters are satisfied.

Finally, Lynne Kosky has given us commuters a real treat: we'll be getting one extra train go on the network this year. Hooray for leadership!!!1!

Events in recent history

2009-03-08T12:54:00.000+11:00

Unsurprising news regarding our freight and highway networks. Note to government: more roads = more congestion.
Yesterday, I encountered the weirdest people on the train. My entire carriage was occupied by drunken football revelers and two of them got topless and started singing; hilarious.
I'm angry at Connex and the state government for not foreseeing the bleedin' obvious. Idiots.
Rudd's nephew is angry at Connex, but for a different reason.
I'm hungover, needing to do homework and should probably stop overdosing on chocolate wafers.

Patriotism and Humor

2009-03-07T20:41:00.000+11:00

I know I'm going back on my word a bit, but I just have to share this little bit of Dutch Beer promotion:

Another stupid proposal

2009-03-06T21:27:00.000+11:00

Melbourne's most prominent knee-jerk thinker, Robert Doyle, has had his incredibly stupid proposal to turn Swanston Street into a car-friendly street destroyed. That didn't stop his other kneecap from coming up with another inane suggestion: stop people from hailing taxis in the street. Apparently this is a security measure. It's been slammed by the bar and club owners, understandably. Kosky has given a tepid reply of 'maybe'. Poor Doyle...it's hard enough to be in such a privileged position with the brain-power of lobotomised Echidna, but how are more taxi ranks going to fight city violence? It won't. There's a very weak trail of logic that goes along the lines of 'there's less violence at taxi ranks because there's more sober taxi drivers in uniforms standing around waiting for fares; therefore, more taxi ranks is the answer'. But I've yet to hear of a single case study overseas where such a strategy has effectively cut safety and crime risks. Where does Doyle get his inspiration and reasoning from?
As I've mentioned before, city crime is the result of a lack of police (not a lack of taxi ranks) and the conglomeration of too many bars on the wrong street. Australia also has a drinking culture. I'd like to see a taxi rank reduce that.

Poetic Weather

2009-03-05T22:08:00.000+11:00

Having been overwhelmed with a sense of pomposity (going to The University of Melbourne and all), I have unable to write my usual half-witted rantings regarding the to-ings and fro-ings of modern-day Australian politics, Lynne Kosky or any of the other array of trash I regurgitate for you readers here. Instead, I've been quite impressed with the day's weather; rainy and wet. Brilliant. Time for a poem...

It's so wet outside
The rain sounds so loud
I'm drenched; I'm soaked
Wet t-shirt (nipple) is poked

The sky is a somber grey
Let it pour; come what may
Rejuvenating the Earth
The sound of hydrogen rebirth

Here I am, cosy indoors
Protected from the melifluous falls
My doona is cosy;
The room is rosy

...And my incense is just perfect.

Cybermen rights

2009-03-01T12:51:00.002+11:00

I know this sounds really silly, but should we be giving Robots equal rights? Where do we draw the line?

A protest song comprised of Cybermen from Dr. Who:

Annoying comments

2009-02-28T12:01:00.004+11:00

Over at my other blog, Non-Linear Thinking, the pious members of our great planet are airing out the sock draw by venting their inability to give a logical reason for belief in a deity. Have a look at this post here. It's hard to debate when your opponent falls into all the big logic traps and then displays contempt for the tone of my posts. See for yourself...

Electro Muskrats: Episode One titles

2009-02-28T11:50:00.001+11:00

My colleague has been busy:

Reuben: university student and employee

2009-02-26T23:32:00.000+11:00

A while back, someone mentioned to me how they'd like to hear more about my life rather than my politics and public transport rants. Well, as it happens, the answer is a solid no. But nonetheless, I shall, when relevant, keep you updated. I shall do so now.

I now have a job at Whitley College; in the kitchens, as a catering assistant. I serve Theology and Music students their lamb chops and beans, clean up the dishes and do other various tasks. The pay's quite reasonable and the atmosphere is relaxed. No complaints about my boss or supervisor, or the type of tasks I have to do.

As most of you know, I am also now a student of the University of Melbourne. I'm doing a 'Batchelor of Environments' course which will eventually lead me into doing a Masters of Urban Planning. I'm doing a 'Commonwealth Supported' position which, in plain English, means HECs. It's a three-year, full-time course.
So far, my impression of the University of Melbourne has been positive. They're well-organised and the campus is both ancient and beautiful. The student life persists vibrantly and I've already joined a few groups: The Greens on campus, the Secular Students Society and I'm also considering joining one of the plethora of random groups devoted to food. The Young Liberals were there too. Strangely, they also brought election portraits of the candidates. Howard, Turnbull and Costello were there. If I were to...say...tempt people into joining my political party, I'd avoid sticking one of the MP's pudgy faces on a big board and parade it around the university. Quite unappealing.

Torchwood: season III trailer

2009-02-25T23:30:00.002+11:00

It's going to be a mini-series; it's going to be more action-packed than previous ones and it's going to be screened over a week (five episodes for five days).

And here's the trailer:

Shifting the blame and a new train

2009-02-23T23:45:00.000+11:00

Secretary of Transport and Lynne Kosky's top henchman, Jim Betts is a smooth operator. He's single-handedly exposed the single biggest threat to our public transport networks: the Australian culture. Wow. So all those cost estimate anomalies, Myki screw-ups, dodgy deals and the like are the fault of our national culture? Apparently cities like Vancouver and Zurich (who, as I've often said, are examples of well-run public transport networks) have a completely different culture to Australia. Heck! Even Perth has a different culture (having gotten their new Mandurah line up and running without too much fuss). I don't think Betts is exactly in tune. If he's obtuse enough to suggest that, currently, "Melbourne is one of the most liveable cities in the world" in the latest 'Building One Victoria magazine', then it'd be reasonable to assume he knows little about the culture he's a part of. Also, why bother using all those other excuses (e.g. "The liberals neglected it!!!1!") when this one (supposedly) explains everything? The truth of the matter is, such an excuse is unverifyable and cannot be easily disproved - ideal for a government hell-bent on using PR spin tactics to wriggle out of doing anything remotely productive.

There's a new train line that's just been opened in Sydney. Excellent. Meanwhile, Myki shouldn't be here until 2010 sometime.

Questionable Category

2009-02-20T01:02:00.000+11:00

I still get seek.com (a job search engine) updates for jobs that would suit me (ie hospitality). I now have a job so it matters little to me - but I read the adverts anyway.
Something largely unrelated to hospitality crept through. Amid requests for chefs, catering assistances, waiters and barristas, a new form of hospitality emerges...

Names

2009-02-17T22:18:00.002+11:00

My name, as most of you know, is quite unusual. The first one is biblical (ugh) whilst the last names are a mixture of Dutch and Iranian from my father's and mother's sides respectively. I think they're kind of cool, but it's simply too long. The Iranian one shall be lopped-off; I don't like the sound of it.
But what's in a name?
When I was younger (and nowadays, to a lesser extent), I used to affix meanings to names. Names such as Williamstown and Fitzroy comforted me (perhaps because I grew up here) whereas the names of Canberra suburbs like Braddon depress me. Names such as 'Stillax Flapbags The 3rd' make me giggle and remind me of some of the brilliant stuff me and Nicolai dream up in Electro Muskrats. And this is my point - names aren't just labels...they convey meaning - especially if they have been ingrained into your childhood memories. But suburb names are the most interesting...
Some names for future suburbs I've been thinking up:

Waterstone Park
Milaxivon
Raknostown
Brandwick Slopes
Tremain Valley
Vincent Glen
Brickshire
Kopenhagenfield
Newgate
Shonkol

And speaking of names:

Run Fatboy Run and HTLFAAP

2009-02-17T13:39:00.000+11:00

My latest reviews: Run Fatboy Run and How To Lose Friends And Alienate People.

Run Fatboy Run is about a man called Dennis Doyle (Simon Pegg) who runs away from his own wedding. The movie follows his life and his relationships with his now ex-wife, Libby and her boyfriend Whit. There is immense tension and increasing competitivity between Dennis and Whit; the finale was not too unexpected.
Whilst the production elements were uniformly high, the film lacked good direction. I found myself locating little plot-holes or errors in the script to satisfy my pedantry. It wasn't a boring film, but it lacked attention to detail. Narrative elements were humorous - in that light and jovial way. It wasn't laugh-out-loud stuff. It was snigger quietly to yourself whilst extracting your own sense of humor from what's on the TV display. The concluding scenes were very Hollywood-esque; that happy ending that everyone is really expecting and rarely surprises.
Rating: 15/20
Trailer:

How To Loose Friends and Alienate People is structured similarly. In this case, Pegg plays a sleazy celebrity magazine editor and his climb to power. It delves into the class systems inherent in celebrity circles. Pegg plays editor and writer, Sidney Young, who after some humiliating depictions of a rival editor, finally gets employed by the very person he sought to caricature - Clayton Harding of Sharps magazine. His attitude creates animosity between his work colleagues and is further compounded by his affections towards an up-and-coming celebrity. The conclusion of the film is not unexpected.
How To Lose Friends and Alienate People is a terrific film; better than Run Fatboy Run at any rate. The characters are well-developed and their conversations are both realistic and over the top - without a contradiction. Sidney Young's personality also develops as the movie progresses. In terms of the plot, it's very conventional - with very few, if any, plot twists or sudden deaths and such. It lacked a certain 'zing' to it. Production elements were very high; immaculate lighting and sound & music synthesising made the movie flow smoothly. It obviously had a decent budget.
Rating: 17/20
Trailer:

Discuss and Caption

2009-02-14T00:03:00.004+11:00

1. Reuben forgets which way trolleys are meant to be driven...

2. Reuben clutches his water-bottle in a panic of claustrophobia (yes, I am)...

I want funny captions again please. Thanks.

Protest Captions

2009-02-10T12:42:00.002+11:00

As some of you know, I recently attended a Desalination protest with some friends. It didn't go according to plan. For starters, the public transport protesters were drowned out by the anti-desalination protesters - many of whom had loudspeakers and trucks to stand on. But still, it was an interesting experience. Here are some photos. I want (witty) captions!!!1!

Sam, Matt and the security staff from Parliament are caught off-guard by Reuben's promiscuous singing.

Reuben attempts to capture another politician (Hugh Francis MP: Horsham), but didn't have enough witty retorts to be successful...

Hugh Francis gives Reuben a nipple massage, to the concern of the watchful constable.

In a brazen attempt to audition for Channel 10's latest young-male-drama Reuben, Sam and Matt put on their smug faces and, in the case of Reuben, his pernicious sunglasses.

Greens MP Greg Barber takes refuge from the spit flung from Nationals' Leader Peter Ryan's speech.

And that's that then...

Why Centrelink are retarded

2009-02-09T19:26:00.000+11:00

As most of you know by now, I'm undertaking a full-time undergraduate course at Melbourne University this year; it'll be concluding with a Masters in Urban Planning. I'm very excited to be honest. University is going to be fun; the people are fun and young and it's unlikely that I'll stumble across the sort of intellectually-challenged people who'd annoy me in High School. It's quite evident that the education system is analogous to a filtration system, leaving behind those unable to complete their finals in High School (VCE in my case) and go on to tertiary study.

But there's a problem: money. Currently I have acceptable reserves in my bank balance, but that won't last. I finally have a job; casual, at a Theology college (Whitley): an offshoot of Melbourne University. I'm to be a catering assistant; waitering and other kitchen duties. But what if I wasn't to get a job?
Enter Centrelink, guns blazing. Centrelink is meant to be there when employment isn't. For many people today living in a recession is nothing short of a challenge. But Centrelink have made me furious. Why?

Their forms ask really personal questions like 'has anyone of the opposite sex stayed with you for a while'. What about queer people? What if someone has stayed, but it was a platonic relationship?
I found out, after much ringing of phonecalls and bureaucratic grumbling, that I'm not eligible for 'Youth Allowance' on account of my parents earning too much money (even though they don't pay me allowance as they used to).
AusStudy financial support is only given to people over 21 years of age. Can anyone guess a logical reason for this? That's the only reason why I can't get support. I'm simply too young to be deserving of it.
You have to give bank statements (regarding costs and earnings and whatnot) that are exactly on the month and yet none of my bank accounts seem to do that.
They're very pedantic over little details; you have to sign everytime you cross something out on one of their forms.

Open Discussion

2009-02-09T00:21:00.003+11:00

I've been a bit time-poor lately and quite busy; I've been to the St. Kilda Festival recently today too which has also sucked me of time. Also, there has been little controversy recently...we know the bush-fires had horrendous effects on rural communities and we know that there has been a bit of bother over the economic responses of Britain and France to the recession. But there hasn't been that much happening otherwise. From this, I'd like to take this opportunity to ask everyone to start an open forum discussion. Chat amongst yourselves. Controversy is welcome.

Obesity reporting

2009-02-02T10:44:00.004+11:00

Allowing your child to become overweight or obese constitutes abuse, some doctors say. Abuse, according to the online dictionary is: "mistreat; treat badly". Abuse from feeding is a tangible phenomena. But will society accept it? When people think of 'child abuse' they think physical or sexual. Emotional, psychological and gastronomical abuse are less thought about.

Incidentally, what were The Age thinking when they decided to publish this story? Could we please stop appealing to stupid people, Fairfax?

Finally, I apologize for the delays in my recent schedules. I have attended a march, a rally and my Internet has been downed by a small hedgehog called Smith for a prolonged period. I shall be doing some big posts soon...

Hot weather and slack blogging

2009-01-30T23:15:00.000+11:00

I'm too tired to post anything serious or intellectually stimulating. The three days of successive heat has taken its toll:

I got angry at Lynne Kosky (see above).
I had to use the fire-extinguisher on my cats.
Several blackouts.
The Herald Sun were asleep.
Centrelink forms and University of Melbourne Enrollment documents are a bureacratic hassle and simply annoying.
Job-hunting is about successful as Jonathon Metcalfe (the CEO of Connex) on a 5:23 Sandringham train that's been delayed by 6 minutes; he wouldn't last a minute with the amount of palpable anger commuters have simmering.
Grumpy relations with my other family members in the house; I blame the heat.
A lack of appetite; the heat stop my stomach from functioning, I suspect.
An addiction to Facebook and air-conditioners - the two things that I shouldn't really be addicted too...
Listening to cheesy, but ultimately satisfying, music videos of The Brand New Heavies like the one below:

How to capture your transport minister

2009-01-29T12:55:00.004+11:00

Arrive at Flinders Street station at 8:45am.
Witness spectacle on concourse.
Walk over to spectacle; see minister of Public Transport - Lynne Kosky - alongside John Faine, Paul Mees and Jonathon Metcalfe (some Connex spokesperson).
When Kosky leaves, confront her.
Occupy five minutes of her precious time by telling you what you think of her...
Enjoy the media attention.
Depart, just as reinforcements arrive.

Yes, I met Lynne Kosky in person. She exists. She thought I was "being cheeky" when I congratulated her for "walking away from that parody of yours, relatively unscathed". I made it into the newspaper (and ABC news); everyone's favourite tabloid - The Herald Sun - did interview me very briefly.

Doctor Who episode rankings

2009-01-28T18:35:00.001+11:00

Obviously there's too many to mention from the so-called classical series, so I'll just comment on the ones in the four seasons of the 'new series' (starting with the 9th Doctor) after a long gap between the late eighties and early 21st century.
If you've never been into Dr. Who, now is your opportunity. There are good reasons why it's one of the most popular shows in Britain and the longest-running sci-fi TV show in the world.
Let the ranking begin...

Series 1:
Rose: Some memorable scenes and terrific character development. Already Rose, Jackie and the Ninth Doctor have their personality precedents set. 17/20.
The End of the World: Some decent CGI and interesting alien inventions. I have some reservations, however, about the character Cassandra. 18/20.
The Unquiet Dead: Cardiff, Christmas and Dickens: what could possibly go wrong? Not much. 18/20
Aliens of London/World War Three: Fantastic storyline and plot development intertwines with some fairly amusing antics by the Ninth Doctor. The Slitheen make interesting villains too. 19/20
Dalek: Most fans found it hard to contain their excitement at having the most famous and evil pepper-pots of the BBC return. It was a very enjoyable episode - with some particularly dashing dialogue. 18/20
The Long Game: Terrific direction, production values and some rather delightful character interactions. The villain's name is also a source of wonderment. 19/20
Father's Day: Slower than the other episodes, and a little bit dry, but there are some intriguing space-time anomalies that take place. 16/20
The Empty Child/The Doctor Dances: Perhaps one of the most memorable episodes in the entire new series. And there's little wonder why; excellent character development and a storyline that leaves the audience's mouths agape. The atmosphere is sublime too. 19/20
Boom Town: Delightful and witty...the storyline is a bit bland, but the dialogue is superb. 17/20
Bad Wolf/The Parting of the Ways: An epic finale that set a precedent for future episodes. Excellent storyline, as usual, and an engaging climax. I loved the Big Brother style introduction... Some of the extras were quite amusing too - despite their relatively low character developments. 18/20

Season 1 trailer:

Series 2:
The Christmas Invasion: A brave new world, a brave new Doctor and some rather camp aliens make this an interesting - if a little uncommon - Doctor Who episode. 17/20
New Earth: The Doctor lands in New New York, rescues several people at a hospital and is back in time for tea and biscuits. Excellent stuff - particularly the character interactions. 18/20
Tooth and Claw: Terrific atmosphere and a smashing storyline; no complaints. 19/20
School Reunion: Sarah Jane Smith - perhaps the Doctor's most famous companion - returns, argues with Rose, helps the Doctor save the universe and manages to get K9 working in time for tea. 18/20
The Girl in the Fireplace: What is 18th century France doing on a spaceship? This episode oozes intrigue and cunning plot twists; character development is high too. 19/20
Rise of the Cybermen/The Age of Steel: The return of the Cybermen was heralded by excellent scripting - but poor directing. There was potential for this one to be one of the best episodes ever, but that was not to be. 17/20
The Idiot's Lantern: Poorly scripted and directed - but with some interesting characters. The alien menace, however, is deplorable... 15/20
The Impossible Planet/The Satan Pit: Excellent plot, action and drama. The character development was tremendous too...but perhaps the best thing of all was the pace of the episode. 19/20
Love & Monsters: An unconventional episode that falls flat on its face. Dr. Who episodes are meant to be quintessential. And the alien antagonist was duller than frozen rice in the Prairie. 15/20
Fear Her: A rather simple story with a rather unusual and unrealistic ending. The plot, however, travels along at a nice pace and there is some humorous moments with Tennant being silly. 17/20
Army of Ghosts/Doomsday: A tension-filled finale with a sad conclusion. Very well directed and the scripting is decent too. I have a problem, however, with the atmosphere of the finale. 18/20

Season 2 trailer:

Season 3:
The Runaway Bride: A hilarious episode with some rather delightful villains and great character interactions. The 'Motorway Scene' is a must-see. 18/20
Smith and Jones: An excellent introductory episode for Martha Jones. The aliens are brilliant and the story-line is sizzling. I have no major complaints. 19/20
The Shakespeare Code: Some of the most pithy action scenes here; a very clever episode. And, of course, Shakespeare is utterly superb. 18/20
Gridlock: A very interesting story. I had three months in 2007 when I was obsessed with this story, and I still quite love it. Adorable characters and fantastic plot. 19/20
Daleks in Manhattan/Evolution of the Daleks: A great story that pushes the boundaries of Dalekdom. If you'll ignore the not-so-New Yorker accents, this episode works a treat. 17/20
The Lazarus Experiment: A delightful storyline that introduces other characters in Martha's family. The plot is a bit shoddy, but the production elements and characters make up for it. 17/20
42: An unconventional story that tests the Doctor's character and makes Martha Jones look really silly. The production elements are excellent, but we are let down plot-wise. 17/20
Human Nature/The Family of Blood: An utterly superb episode; one of the season's highlights. It has great characters, a lovely 'old English' atmosphere and some terrific twists. 19/20
Blink: Whatever you do, don't think that this is a poor episode. It is immaculately scripted with some lovely characters and some very Hitchcock-esque imagery and plot. 19/20
Utopia: With excellent production elements (including delightfully moody stuff from Murray Gold) and edge-of-your-seat excitement, this one is a sure winner. 19/20
The Sound of Drums/Last of the Timelords: A very dramatic finale with a sizzling plot. The character of the 'Harold Saxon' is magnified by some excellent acting and lines; we really get to feel how sinister the man truly is. The music score is bold and brassy whilst the visuals fit into the story seamlessly. The conclusion, however, could have been better. 18/20

Season 3 trailers:

1.

2.

Season 4:
Voyage of the Damned: Excellent plot, but Kylie Minogue is a dreadful actress. The music score is to be commended - as is the CGI works; no complaints there. 18/20
Partners in Crime: A rather silly plot masks a delightful storyline with some excellent Doctor and Donna moments (this is the story when they meet up again). Some scenes are hilarious. 17/20
The Fires of Pompeii: Visually stunning, but rather lacking in quality acting by the extras. The plot itself could have been a bit more exhilarating too. 16/20
Planet of the Ood: The return of one of Dr. Who's most unusual aliens was met with a lovely storyline and some excellent character development. 18/20
The Sontaran Stratagem/The Poison Sky: Brilliantly acted, this episode is reminiscent of the classical series in terms of its storyline and layout; very pleasing. The use of music to instill a sense of panic and drama was excellent. 18/20
The Doctor's Daughter: "It does what it says on the tin", said Russell T. Davies. Unfortunately, this episode had too few time and money constraints to be made well. It wasn't the best. 16/20
The Unicorn and the Wasp: Tremendously scripted and with a sublime atmosphere, I have no main complaints. The music was subtle and somber, and that complimented the plot. 19/20
Silence in the Library/Forest of the Dead: A visual and audio masterpiece. Here, the script was so incredibly detailed, I had to watch it twice to fully understand what was happening; the audience was forced to think for themselves. Superb acting and some very awesome moments that suggest certain things about the Doctor's past. 19/20
Midnight: Arguably the most creepiest episode yet. Midnight embodies a very eerie atmosphere, enhanced by an excellently moody incidental music score. The characters are developed very well without the need for excessive conversation - something I have admiration for. 19/20
Turn Left: A very intense episode with some fantastic acting and plot developments. The mood is excellent and, again, the music is well-timed and executed. 19/20
The Stolen Earth/Journey's end: The most epic season finale of all time. There was some particularly special moments, including when all the companions meet up under Davros' control; some truly marvelous scripts and dialogue too. The ending was momentous. 18/20

SEASON 4 trailers:

1.

2.

2009 Christmas special ('The Next Doctor')": Fantastic atmosphere and events that keep you on your toes. I think, however, they could have perfected the episode more and elaborated on some of the mutated Cybermen shown (the 'Cybershades'). 18/20

I look forward to the next year's batch of episodes.

Pride and Patriotism

2009-01-26T21:58:00.000+11:00

Patriotism is, according to Wikipedia, is the love and/or devotion one has for their country. Patriotism, you would think, depends solely on the personal traits or characteristics of the country in question. It is often seen as a positive alternative to nationalism. But I don't like patriotism. Why?

Patriotism is irrational.

Patriotism is usually associated with one particular country and whilst every country is unique, to be proud in a country that has many similarities with another one is ridiculous. The UK and Australia have many similarities, yet Australian patriotism does not include British patriotism.
Patriotism is pride in an entire country, irrespective of the wrongdoings of that country. I for one cannot understand people proud to live in Iran, Israel, America or Saudi Arabia when they have abject human rights violations. Patriotism is rarely assessed on merit.
Patriotism assumes you have pride in your country. But isn't pride something that should be given to something you put effort into? I really love the Dandenongs National Park, but I made no effort towards its establishment, so why should I shout it about and inflict my proud patriotism? I think pride should solely reserved for your own work, where you have put in effort. You can be glad that something exists, but if you haven't worked on it why feel pride?

Patriotism is potentially dangerous.

Whilst there is no causal relationship, there is a strong correlation between patriotism, nationalism and hooliganism. The Cronulla rioters were undeniably patriotic. The British National Party is motivated by 'British (white) pride'. There are numerous other examples.
Patriotism is divisive in a society. Immigrants tend to feel excluded by the waving of flags of a country they recently arrived in; understandably, they would feel more connected to their country of origin (and it's culture) than the alien country that they now live in. Sudanese youths suffered a big dose of xenophobia, two years ago, when then Immigration Minister Kevin Andrews proclaimed how they weren't adapting to 'Australian values'.
As mentioned before, it is irrational. The more irrational someone becomes, the less likely they are to behave normally and reasonably. By their own lights, an irrational person's actions are acceptable...the chances are they're not.

Most of you know that I've got passports to three countries: Australia, the USA and The Netherlands. I don't feel particularly connected to either of the three. But if I were to quantify my connection with them, I would think it'd be (in order of 'connectedness') The Netherlands, Australia and - coming last - the USA. I'm not sure how to explain this, given my Australian upbringing and school education and the fact I've visited the US more than I've visited the Netherlands. It's all quite weird. I'm genetically Dutch and only culturally Dutch in the sense that I don't like ostentatiousness, am a liberal and like to think of myself as pragmatic. When I was in Amsterdam, I like the atmosphere of the place - particularly areas like Jordaan (pictured).
My sense of Australian identity mainly lies in my upbringing - but I've never really enjoyed AFL, Boomerangs or any quintessentially Australian culture. Perhaps The Chaser is the only anomaly in this case; it's just such a brilliant TV show.

Church Hypocrisy

2009-01-25T12:45:00.001+11:00

The Catholic Church, it appears, is occupied by self-parodying morons. Just look at this article. The same organisation that has systematically denied contraceptives to millions of Africans in need of them is now convinced that Obama is "arrogant" for allowing abortion funds to start flowing again. Jeremy over at 'An Onymous Left' has done a splendid post on this too. This is WTF material. How can an immensely wealthy and powerful organisation such as the Catholic Church preach against arrogance when they think they have the god-bound right to inflict their stupid preachings on other's lives?

Hypocritical, sanctimonious and ethically & mentally challenged, the Church won't stop to at that. Oh no! They've sanctioned an outrageously antisemetic, bigoted right-winger to take to the stage and they've failed to realise the implications. Of course, religious retards aren't limited to Catholicism. The muslim cleric whose drivel caused the entire Tabloid sector of the economy to explode should also be ashamed at his remarks.

Guess the excuse

2009-01-22T21:30:00.001+11:00

Yeah...the cost of construction has just quadrupled in six years. Well that's what Kosky says (or her bureaucrats anyway). Transport Textbook have done a splendid job of analysing this. The Mandurah line in Perth (which roughly equals the length of the Frankston line) costed only a fifth of the cost. And now it's time for the government to come accountable.

Some excuses I think Kosky will make:

"It's too hot to calculate properly"
"Commuters will see improvements as soon as we roll out our new rolling stock. The Victorian Transport Plan is a plan for all Victorians."
"We're making this railway project actually happen"
"We're using diamonds instead of wood as sleepers"
"We're buying all the construction workers Gucci suits to wear whilst working"
"Costs such as major parties, free food and a new cat for the office haven't been factored in...and must be increased for inflation".
"I only check my calculations weekly"
"Myki? What?"
"Eeeeerrrrrmmm"
"...where's the bathroom?"
"My opponents are bastions of gibberish and nonsense. I speak the truth. Trust me for once!"

Meanwhile...

Spain has the right idea: build efficient, high speed, train lines.
Back in Koskyville, however, Yarra Trams are throwing a party. Nothing important is being fixed and our public transport network has all but given up hope of some assistance.
The government insists it hasn't heard a single complain regarding Myki. Delusional.
Lynne Kosky's political life may be prolonged. I suspect, to appease an increasingly vocal movement of angry commuters, Connex will be axed and replaced by the only other competitor for the metropolitan transport tenders.
Connex gave out free ice-creams in a bizzare attempt to improve trains services...oops..I mean 'customer satisfaction'. This was in response to the four-day long cancellations the network suffered which, according to Connex, was due to the heat.
Finally, I've discovered this great site. Surely the growth of grassroots frustration is a sign that something is seriously wrong with transport planning in this state.

Schoolies photos

2009-01-20T00:09:00.000+11:00

It's been a long time since I posted on my time down at Ocean Grove with three good friends, Vodka and a delightful assortment of maps; finally I've got the photos up.
I've added my own captions, but I'd like to see people do some captioning too. I want funny stuff!

1.
Kath and Reuben finally manage to bury the local lifeguard collective without much of a struggle.

2.Reuben, Nat and Kath open Ocean Grove's first and only 5 star resort.

3.Kath and Reuben, after a good half-hour of banter, get down to business by constructing a subway network to rival Tokyo's.

4.Sheray reconsiders what she had for breakfast whilst Kath and Nat try to look erudite.

5.Unable to keep a straight face, Reuben regresses into one of his more sinister, regular nightmares: being trapped in a sand-pit with a retarded facial expression...

6.Kath, Reuben and Nat attempt to blend in with the locals at Ocean Grove...

Facebook wins

2009-01-18T13:42:00.006+11:00

I held an election recently, regarding Facebook. The results suggested that people were split between saying I should or saying I shouldn't. The complete lack of bipartisan support was truly amazing. Most people my age responded in favour of getting Facebook.
The up-shoot of all this is that I now have a Facebook account. I've even got one of those mildly-sleek Facebook icons on my tool-bar. Facebook is - by and large - brilliant, but I do have a few issues, namely:

The large amount of people online who want to be your friend for the sake of it; I'm only 'accepting' people as friends if they are good friends, (ex) school-mates or great bloggers. Some I was debating whether or not I should add them; in such cases, I tend not to.
There is a confusing array of communication styles. You can 'post', on your profile, various images and random short sentences. It's hardly a blog - but it's downright confusing.
The automatic 'People You May Know' screen which shows people from school or who live in Melbourne generally. It's been somewhat helpful in connecting with people who I want to connect with, but there are plenty of annoying people on there who I don't want to be reminded of.
I get an alert every time one of my 'friends' comments on someone else's page or becomes 'friends' with someone else. I don't particularly care what friends or friends of friends, or friends of friends of friends do to their other friends.
The annoying ads on the sidebar. They range from Christian conversions to dating, 'How to Fix your Stove' and various issues relating to body image. I don't like ads, particularly stupid ones like the ones on Facebook.

Aberrant spam

2009-01-16T15:03:00.001+11:00

Draw your own conclusions from this one...

Fancy a poem?

2009-01-15T16:59:00.000+11:00

I didn't think you would...but you're reading my blog, so I'll assume you do. Enjoy:

I try so hard to be profound
Intellectual stereo & surround sound
I try to fight what I see as wrong
I then burst into an irate song

My life is one great mess
My sense of identity is a pest
On my face, I look fine
The external vision you see of me is not mine

We all strive to exist
The only thing we can do - persist
But true self-esteem and satisfaction
Requires deep thought mixing and matching...

Now...I'm off to hunt some more jobs in the vast wooded region known as www.seek.com

The Elsternwick Phenomena

2009-01-13T21:15:00.001+11:00

Here is a GoogleMap depiction of Elsternwick station, it's main shopping strip (Glenhuntly Road) and the local station:

View Larger Map
Elsternwick, as indicated by Census, is a fairly well-to-do area; it's also frequented by Melbourne's Jewish community and there it is also increasingly popular with Japanese migrants. All in all, it's not a particularly remarkable neighborhood (not like areas such as Fitzroy or South Melbourne), but the area around the station that extends down Glenhuntly Road towards the McDonalds situated on the Nepean Highway (past the Lonely Planet) is notorious for punch-ups and drug dealing. Many friends of mine have testified this. Events like this are more common than you would think; and this is confusing.
Why Elsternwick?
Street crime tends to manifest in certain areas due to historical factors (e.g. East London has always been known for its poverty and drug problems), socio-economic factors (e.g. Collingwood's cramped government housing) or just plain bad planning (e.g. the Bijmermeer area of Amsterdam). But Elsternwick displays none of these symptoms of elevated crime rates; it's a massive anomaly. Certainly the railway station is poorly designed (with only one exit and visual obstructions that hide nefarious activity), but that alone cannot be responsible for the seediness of the outlying street. There are no council housing buildings nearby. Most of the outlying streets are wealthy and house professionals.
I blame the McDonald's. McDonald's - and similar fast-food outlets - tends to attract a certain type of character. I realise there's no empirical data to support this, but anecdotally, this stands true. The southern end of Swanston Street is full of fast-food outlets and...you guessed it...street crime. Norlane, in Geelong's northern suburbs, is associated with both fast-food and deprivation.
Your thoughts? Any other way to explain the crime around Elsternwick Station?

British Police

2009-01-12T21:31:00.001+11:00

This is how they do things in the UK:

I wonder if they got the Lynne-Kosky division of the police to do this job:

In praise of Frugality

2009-01-11T15:55:00.004+11:00

Being financially secure is very important; it's actually essential. This excellent article explores this idea throughly: living beyond one's means is not sensible. And I agree. People often believe that debt is acceptable - and sometimes it is. If someone cannot afford, say, a new car and they actually need one, then getting a loan is a good idea. But if someone just wants a car for unpractical reasons or for feeling privileged - and it's beyond their means, then I'm very critical. Many Australians are in debt. The idealistic lifestyle we espouse (also known as The Australian Dream) is a symptom of the delusion that owning a big house, with a nice Holden Commodore and a brand new Plasma TV is the best thing since sliced bread. Ignoring the environmental ramifications of such a wasteful lifestyle, it's important to realise that people actually have this materialistic vision (kind of like seeing Jesus in your toast or something equally retarded) and go into debt to achieve it.
Big mistake.
In regards to my lifestyle, I live within my means. I don't go on shopping sprees or undertake gratuitous activities like random SMSing to people about random things. I try to place functionality and practically above ostentatiousness or unnecessary activities. I might have enough money to splurge a bit on trousers or hair-related rituals - but I won't.
Modesty is the key. I wish would reconsider buying that new car unless they can actually afford it and it's absolutely necessary.

Corey Copycat?

2009-01-10T16:36:00.003+11:00

Myspace, as an avenue to advertise your social events, is a really stupid idea. But a party that got out of hand in Werribee sounds almost identical to that of Corey Worthington's. Perhaps the media can tout the host at this one; let's make him a celebrity to rival Corey.

Atheist Bus Campaign and Israeli warfare

2009-01-09T00:40:00.006+11:00

An atheist advertising campaign, launched in London, has been met positively. Here in Australia, a similar attempt has been rebuffed. This makes me very angry. Atheists are not spreading a message of hate; atheists are spreading a message of reason and rationality - they are providing a positive alternative to religion. Any and all beliefs should be allowed to advertise what they wish.

Meanwhile, the war in Israel/Palestine rages on. Quite sad really. The Palestinians have lost far too many lives for Israel's strategy to be deemed anything less than an abject failure. They have failed to uproot Hamas; they have failed to avoid civilians in their attacks upon Gaza and they have also failed to eradicate the filth of religious extremism in their own grounds. For example, the Shas party (right wing nut-bags who think homosexuality caused a minor earth tremor). To become a true democracy, secularism must be espoused as a matter of urgency. Naturally, this would mean that Shas would have to redefine themselves to become more progressive.
The Palestinians aren't exluded from blame either. Corruption, abject piousness and religious fundamentalism are holding back thousands. Their voting-in of Hamas is cause for concern.
To be honest, I don't think a single, secular and democratic nation in that region is a reality - not in this century anyway. Over at An Onymous Lefty, such a proposal has been discussed quite throughly. Two separate nations is perhaps the most workable solution...but the religious dimension to the conflict cannot go unheeded.

Should Reuben get Facebook?

2009-01-07T20:43:00.003+11:00

Once every so often, I have to make big decisions that influence me and others for generations to come. It's quite rare...but the time has come for me. The big question is whether or not I should get a 'Facebook' account. It's quite a hard decision...but I must press on. For simplicity, here is a for and against list...
For:

Increasing my social networks; more friends to be made - potentially.
A refreshing change from blogging and deviantART.
Will stop people from nagging me about it.
Reinforce my identity as a teenager; it's a very 'teenager' thing to do.

Against:

May take up more of my precious time (thus preventing me from making friends in the real world).
An incoming job may prohibit my blog posts, deviantART works and Facebookisms from manifesting on time and with quality.
Could make me addicted - if other's anecdotes are to be believed.
I'll be pestered by annoying idiots who want to be my friend.

Let the voting commence:

Misleading Shampoo

2009-01-06T16:00:00.000+11:00

Aldi Shampoo is pretty good. In fact, most Aldi things are - in my experience. But, at the time of writing, the only difference between 'Shampoo for Dry, Damaged and Coloured Hair' and 'Shampoo for Normal Hair' is a semantic one; they both contain identical ingredients.Perhaps the amount of each ingredient is different; or perhaps they add them together in a different combination. But the fact that the two labels shown only differ semantically is certainly food for thought...

New Dr Who Actor: Matt Smith

2009-01-04T16:56:00.008+11:00

Matt Smith is set to replace David Tennant as the 11th Doctor. He's young, allegedly handsome (probably soon to be featured on Andrew Highriser's collection of men) and quite charming. And he's relatively new to the acting scene (compared to Tennant, when Tennant became the new Who). I can't really pass judgment since I know virtually nothing about Matt Smith...but it will certainly be a relief to see David Tennant go - as I've expressed before.

And again, I'll have to thank Daniel for reminding me of Dr. Who news. Thanks Daniel.

Non-Linear Thinking

2009-01-02T21:09:00.001+11:00

I've mentioned it before, but I think I should remind all of you of my new blog: Non-Linear Thinking.

The reason I'm bringing this up is because it's a blog as important to me as this one. I'd hope you'd all take the time to have a good look at it and leave a comment. Putting it on your blog roll would be better still (not that you would, mind you...it was probably hard enough having this one in your blog roll).
Non-Linear Thinking is co-written by me, Nat, Kath and Oskar. We all contribute our thoughts in our posts. Nat is a Chaos Magician whilst Kath is a Catholic. Me and Oskar are atheists...though while Oskar is an empiricist, I remain undecided as to my thinking.

What's it about? Religion, philosophy, politics and all of the above blended together to make a nice rich sauce of reason, analogies and ideology. We leave no stone unturned in our search for a robust debate, discussion or argument. But most of all, we challenge every concept....though in the case of Kath and Nat, it's usually a game of "let's shout things at Reuben for two hours until he agrees with us".

Duped

2009-01-02T19:34:00.000+11:00

She came, she saw and she conquered...but Paris Hilton's latest efforts to leave the integrity of News reporting in Australia intact was an overwhelming failure. According to The Age, society has been hit hard...we've been duped systematically by this pampered princess of slavish consumerism and celebrity hype.
Really?
Of course not. That was just The Age shifting blame onto its readers. The Herald Sun was no different either. The sense of betrayal cooked up by The Age implies that it thinks its readers would invest emotionally in the story and that it's a major let-down that she didn't let her purse fly with an insane consumerist binge. It was their fault for reporting her entry into Australia (Melbourne, then Sydney) and for taking in everything her PR people said. It's also Brumby's fault for even conceding her presence. Brumby actually said how he was "sure the shops and the designers and retailers and everybody else who depends on that industry are happy for her [Hilton] to spend that in Melbourne." Never ever accuse John Brumby of failing to tackle the big issues.

Welcome, 2009

2009-01-01T14:18:00.008+11:00

The human race deserves to give itself a collective pat on the back; yet another year has passed and we remain relatively unscathed. I don't think our lifestyles are going to get any easier though...especially in light of the turbulent economic conditions and the inability of Kosky to deliver a new ticketing system in time.

But how was my New Years Eve? Quite good, actually. I attended a party in Pakenham (hosted by my friend, Nat) with a friend - Jayden - and it was on Nat's patio that we celebrated the arrival of yet another year. I virtually had no sleep; and it was very cold on the patio outside.

My new year's resolution is to get a job. A harsh economic crisis and an even harsher set of industries a young, relatively inexperienced, person can hope to enter into is certainly irking. But I'm still trying and don't think I'll give up anytime soon (not least because I can't afford it). I may also consider enlisting the support of Centrelink's job network; it would be a bureaucratic but perhaps rewarding process.
I also have a new Learner's license for driving cars; I'll be getting lessons this year too.

Finally, thanks to everyone who commented on my blog throughout 2008. This blog has certainly evolved from since its inception, nearly two years ago.

Moulin Rouge and V for Vendetta

2008-12-28T20:09:00.001+11:00

Moulin Rouge is film about a young writer's adventures in the Montmartre region of Paris: a bohemian area known for its avant-garde artists and musicians. The young writer, Christian, falls in love with a courtesan - Satine. Christian is mistaken for the Duke and is sent up to Satine where it is discovered they have a mutual love for each other. As they're embracing, they are interrupted by the real Duke who is mortified by their partnership. Fortunately, Christian's friends (who were having a collective perv) swarm in and pretend it was all part of a rehearsal. The (real) Duke, whilst initially sceptical, becomes enthralled at the prospect of working on the new play - Spectacular Spectacular - seeing it as an opportunity to get closer to Satine. But Satine loves Christian. And Satine is suffering from Tuberculosis. Emotions begin to run high mid-way through the movie.
Moulin Rouge is very popular and famous; and - as I am constantly told by people - excellent. It was quite good. I wouldn't call it excellent, only because I'm not a great fan of big musicals. The production elements were top-notch; I have no complaints at all there. I liked the lighting and the long-range camera angles...it was all superbly directed - particularly the introduction to the setting: a camera going from outside Montmatre, past a priest decrying the place as one of 'sin', and into the window of the room where Christian is staying.
Narrative elements were also decent; the character development was exemplary (particularly that of the Duke: as an arrogant and suspicious fool) and this was very engaging indeed. I also enjoyed the interplay between Satine, the Duke and Christian. Strong character elements all round. My only criticism was the over-the-top dancing. I'm not into that sort of thing.
Rating: 17/20

Have a look at the trailer:

V for Vendetta is a very different kettle of fish. And a better one.
The film revolves around the life of Evey Hammond, a young woman living in an England run by the fascist Norsefire party. One night during a curfew, when walking to an engagement, she is attacked by 'fingermen' (rouges who enforce the fascist state's laws) who attempt to rape her. She is rescued by a mysterious man wearing a Guy Fawkes mask who identifies himself as 'V'. He then invites her to watch a "concert" which turns out to be London-wide music played through the state speakers (on every street) and the destruction of the Old Bailley. These events embroil V and Evey in a nation-wide manhunt lead by the weak-willed Inspector Finch and the vicious and power-hungry Chancellor Sutler. Throughout the movie, the audience learns how Norsefire came to power, and how they "robbed" the citizens of Britain of "their reason and corrupted their common sense". There are some references to Nazi Germany - with particular focus on the manhunt by the newly elected Norsefire against Homosexuals, Muslims and other 'undesirables' and their 'detention facilities' which closely resemble concentration camps from WWII. The film concludes with another explosion and the interesting conclusions of several important characters.
Unquestionably, this film is one of my top ten favourite; it also has a cult following. It's sublime character development, plot, sub-plot and atmosphere make for a thrilling two hours. The protagonist ('V') is a wonderful character. He describes himself as "a humble vaudevillian veteran, cast vicariously as both victim and villain by the vicissitudes of Fate. This visage, no mere veneer of vanity, is a vestige of the vox populi, now vacant, vanished. However, this valorous visitation of a by-gone vexation, stands vivified and has vowed to vanquish these venal and virulent vermin van-guarding vice and vouchsafing the violently vicious and voracious violation of volition". Now that is a fine alliteration. The atmosphere is cold, dark, mysterious and warm in scenes of joy and reminiscence (the best example of this being the recollection of a lesbian woman and her trauma, and eventual death, at the hands of Norsefire's pernicious 'research facilities'). The plot is not linear, which makes a refreshing change.
In terms of production elements, I have no complaints. The music, the lighting and mise-en-scene are all highly accomplished. There is no over-usage of CGI or slow motion either. The music is soft and implies an insidious undercurrent (particularly during the meetings Chancellor Sutler has with his henchmen) and this is most pleasing for an atmosphere-whore such as myself.
The only criticism I have is the somewhat mediocre performance and character development of the character Evey Hammond. Natalie Portman (who plays the role of Evey) is a very one-dimensional actress and seems too focused on technical perfection than a good, heartfelt role.
But my criticisms are fastidious, my criticisms are menial; overall, I have no complaints.
Rating: 19/20

Here is the V for Vendetta trailer:

Dear spammers...

2008-12-27T22:42:00.003+11:00

A message to spammer-kind:

Seriously! Sod off or else!

Electro Muskrats teaser photos

2008-12-25T21:16:00.000+11:00

I know you've all been waiting patiently.
Nay...I know you've all been at the edge of your seat for more Electro Muskrats teasers, spoilers and hubcaps. That's why there are kind people like me who will show you some screen-shots of what's to come.
I've listed them numerically in a random sequence; I have added captions for accessible viewing (I know how tedious screen-shots can be these days without captions). However, I'll let you come up with your own captions for each image (posted in the comments section as usual). The funniest captions will be awarded 'The Reuben Award' - a bogus achievement that I just made up on the spot.

1.
Gary, please don't dance into my office like this. You're disrupting the status quo.

2."You set fire to the Ketchup again didn't you Gary?"

3.David and Elise come to terms with the loss of their favourite pair of sneakers.

4.Elise, unable to contain her hunger for KFC, permanently knits her eyebrows into a frenzy.

5.David unsuccessfully proposes we all have a nice cup of tea, but Elise would rather argue with the director.

6. Overcome with boredom, Nicolai and Phobes are unable to break away from a trance.

7.Elise practices her shouting skills at Nicolai.

8. Overcome with exhaustion after three hours of intensive acting, Elise and David take a short nap - but this is met with limited success.

9. "Have you got any bananas?"

10. Reuben is accosted on his doorway by two orange-peelers (Andy and Nick).

11. Reuben finally learns where his potatoes are.

12. Nicolai, in a brazen attempt to escape justice, forces Reuben to chase after him.

Christmas, Glitz and Retards

2008-12-22T20:34:00.003+11:00

Some holiday called Christmas (about a random dead Jewish guy called Jesus...who rarely shaved) is approaching the world at an estimated four kilometres per hour. I don't particularly like Christmas. Being an atheist, I have no affinity with any religious holiday whatsoever - no matter how popular and/or ridiculous it is. Christmas is no exception...though I'm aware today's 'Christmas' is hardly religious at all. Neither is Easter, Hanukkah or Ramadan. I don't mind people celebrating whatever they want to celebrate and I would be happy to participate merely for the social and/or gastronomical delights that tend to ensue. But these things can be done regardless of the time of year. What annoys me the most is the crass lights that people stick up on their houses. Energy wastage aside, I think it looks plain ugly. And it's pointless. Would they be any less spiritually enlightened (note that I use that term with a certain amount of irony here) if they modestly had a nice Christmas tree in the lounge room instead of flashing red and blue lights, a fluro-lit Santa and plastic cut-outs of some reindeer?
Atheism aside, I'm also no avid consumerist. I don't particularly care for extremely lavish celebrations, drinking oneself straight to the Austin Emergency Ward or getting into fist-fights with illiterate pond-scum that congregate the slimy areas of Russell Street in vast hordes, waiting to pick a fight...

...which happened to me on Friday night. I was out with Sam and Nick...and some retard on Russell Street yelled "You looking for a fight?" and swung a punch at Sam; the bastard missed and we jogged right through the crowds. No police around either.
Here is an artists depiction, with me playing the role as Sam and Nicolai acting out the role of the aggressor (this was actually done as a scene in the original - and crappy - pilot of Electro Muskrats):
In other news, some stupid Wheel-thingy (pictured on the right) has been completed in Docklands. Now the public can be relieved of their $29 and get a bonus ride thrown in for free!!1! I don't know why people aren't lining up in shock and awe. Maybe it's because many other cities have the same thing.
But seriously...the wheel is was very expensive and a bit boring. Melbourne's tourist attractions have been - and hopefully always will be - its character, its shops and its architecture; it's atmosphere and culture...not random big things like Sydney has (e.g. their Opera House). We shouldn't try to become a city that we are not; but I don't think Doyle would recognise that.

UPDATE: Merry Christmas anyway.

Sheer Brilliance

2008-12-19T14:39:00.002+11:00

Thanks to Daniel Bowen. Meanwhile, some of the government's own people are questioning the Eddington rail proposal. It will probably go ahead regardless though...

And have you seen this on Brumby's Youtube account?

This is all a bit odd. I don't know why the Water Minister isn't giving the talk; instead, he's just standing around looking foolish (as usual). At 0:40 seconds, you'll see the new Pipeline for rural Victoria under construction. And at 1:43 seconds, we see the rare site of Brumby being useful.
Interesting also that comments are banned on the account and its associated clips. Brumby doesn't like criticism.

Job Hunting

2008-12-18T19:59:00.008+11:00

Right...so I'm walking casually down Lygon Street looking for Casual work, and what do I see?

WANTED: WAITRESSES

I was shocked; since when have men been unqualified to serve food? Mind you, this was a professional looking restaurant slap-bang in the middle of touristy Lygon Street. Since when has such work been dependent on the amount of testosterone you have, your anatomy or your sexual orientation?

But I digress...there are much more important matters which I need to discuss...namely the fact that I need a job. The Economic Crisis is placing a constraint too. I've submitted some six applications using Seek.com; none so far have fruitful. I've submitted to a local cafe too. And I'll keep trying. Does anybody have a job for me?

Also, my friend Sam has launched his new blog: Better Society. However, I can only read English...a shame seeing as Sam's blog is in some weird foreign gobbledygook:

The God Delusion

2008-12-15T20:35:00.000+11:00

Since it's quite a well-known book and, in my eyes, a profound one I thought I'd do a review on it.

The God Delusion (the author of which is Richard Dawkins, a respected Biologist) does what it says on the tin: attack religion outright and all its associated appendages. It addresses, succinctly, the nature of religion, its problems, the arguments for a God (and how foolish they can be made to sound) including the Argument from Beauty and Irreducible Complexity. Having addressed why he thinks religion is fallacious, he then delves into its origins - including the rather interesting discussion of Cargo Cults. In doing this, he attacks the arguments on religious morality. He passionately proclaims how natural selection could possibly explain that morals lead to "the repayment of favours given, and the giving of favours in 'anticipation' of payback". Religion, by contrast, is often mistakenly intertwined with morals when instead - according to Dawkins - 'morals' are often hijacked by religious righteousness. This leads to the issues surrounding religion, such as abortion, where Dawkins describes how "a certain kind of religious mind cannot see the moral difference between killing a microscopic cluster of cells on the one hand, and killing a full-grown doctor on the other". Dawkins is, of course, referring to various cases when abortion doctors and their supporters had been murdered (in...the USA...where else?). Dawkins concludes his book by urging people to reconsider their faith and pondering the merits and benefits behind free-thought and atheism.

Dawkins writes eloquently, but without too much sophistication. Nat has correctly argued that, rather than being a source of rich and meaningful dialogue on religion and atheism, The God Delusion is more of an introduction to atheism; 'Atheism for Dummies' as it were. And it's desperately needed. Dawkins was the impetus that catalysed the Out Campaign, and further debates on religion. The beauty of The God Delusion is in its powerful statements and reasoning, and Dawkins' amusing commentary on various feats of religion. This is exemplified nicely when he expounds on the idea that a God that can interfere with our lives (for whatever 'reason'), by bursting through from the metaphysical world and into the physical would have to be complex and accountable to science (despite claims by religious people that religion is completely unaccountable...ironically as if it's an argument in favour of religion) seeing as it exists in this reality. What is the purpose of God then? Dawkins debunks these ideas quite well.
Dawkins' arguments are strongest when he debates morality, its causes and also the various theories of God - the arguments, analogies and fallacies behind religiosity. When challenging common arguments against atheism, he writes lightly, cleanly and simply - without excessive use of religious terms as such. This is one of his many strengths.

Despite his generally sound logic, Dawkins does become too passionate when talking about the negative effects of religion. He works himself up into a fit of eloquent rage and pounces on religious 'externalities' like a cat to a mouse. I don't agree with his idea that children brought up in religious lifestyles are being abused (I used to think this, but then my mentor rationalised it), but I think it's unfair to deprive a child of learning other religious theories other than their parents'; children should be taught to think for themselves.
Another criticism I have of The God Delusion is Dawkins' arguments against 'moderate faith' and how faith is the underlying cause of various events of bloodshed. His anecdote, whilst interviewing a criminal who killed an abortion doctor and his bodyguard, was not in the least bit erudite or sophisticated. People kill people and whilst religion (misinterpreted or otherwise) might enhance the killer's irrationality, it is not the root cause of bloodshed in most cases.

The God Delusion ranking: 17/20

On the topic of religion, Secular Humanism will be introduced in religion classes in primary schools. This is an excellent and refreshing alternative to the dustbin dogma touted by toxic fundamentalist groups such as the Salt Shakers, who in response to the announcement queried "If you go there, where do you stop? What about witchcraft or Satanism?" I say bring it on! Teach them every single type of religion (and non-religion) there is; there's no place in today's world for religious domination and arrogance. GrodsCorp did an interesting post about this just recently, quoting some of the more conservative elements in the political picture. People need to look beyond an ancient, dusty old book when seeking their value systems and their answers to life.

Finally I'd just like to comment on a collective-blog written by myself, Oskar, Kath and Nat about religion, the meaning of life and various ideas about religion. The link is here. At the time of writing there isn't much up there yet (aside from a rather handsome photo of myself, of course).

The wonders of Photoshop

2008-12-14T15:15:00.007+11:00

Before:

After:
Maybe I'm just a Luddite at heart, but this is a real upgrade on behalf of Mr. Dijj. The original photo which I took now looks much better. Your thoughts?.

And this is a recent Photoshop effort by me:

Deep Reflection by ~reubenvbm on deviant ART

What happens next?

2008-12-13T14:50:00.000+11:00

Which of the following is most likely to happen after the scene in the above photo?

Bowlby licks Glossy for twenty minutes.
Bowlby attempts to kill Glossy in a Catnip-fuelled rage.
The incoming crumpet Bowlby is seen to be observing hits Bowlby squarely in the nose.
A third cat called Victor appears, in the vain hope he can grab some fame.
Glossy attempts to dig and gnaw his way through the wall to the left.

The Victorian Transport Plan

2008-12-12T22:45:00.000+11:00

It's been released: the latest transport plan. All the projects are listed here.

And it's cringe-worthy stuff. I'll summarise the projects in dot-point form under two headings:

Bad:

New Trains and Tracks. "But Reuben" I hear you cry, "Isn't that good?". It isn't. The report lists some minor duplications which are good, but there is the ominous threat of random third tracks to Dandenong manifesting as well as that dratted Tarneit link. The new trains are certainly welcome though.
Regional Rail Link. Double-tracked, non-electrified and useless. As far as the crow flies, it's like taking a really wide U-turn and doubling back again. It's also going to be diesel (non-electrified) which is tantamount to installing Microsoft '98 in schools. Why can't they just duplicate or triplicate the extant Laverton express route?
Melbourne Metro. Costing vastly more than AUS$4.5billion (they won't state the exact estimate...no surprises there) for the first stage from Dynon Road to the Domain Interchange. Once this is completed (probably by the time I'm eighty at their current rate), the second stage will undergo construction. Now, I'm all for expanding our rail networks but when the expansion is a) Overpriced, b) Useless and c) Both (as in the case of the metro), I'm against it. The City Loop isn't even at capacity yet. Why are we wasting money on this elephant?
An Alternative to the Westgate Bridge. Yet another road, in other words. This is a tunnel set to be bored under an area between Dynon Road/Footscray Road and Sunshine Road/Geelong Road to alleviate congestion on the Westgate Bridge. It's not hard to see why they'd think they need to alleviate congestion; the bridge is bumper-to-bumper and action is necessary. Unfortunately, instead of addressing the fact that the overwhelming majority of cars that use the bridge are of single-occupancy (private vehicles), we'll build another road to address the problems the Westgate Bridge was meant to solve in the first place. If the government had, instead, built an electrified branch line to Point Cook, Tarneit and Melton as well as increased frequencies would have been better options.
DART (Doncaster Area Rapid Transport) upgrades. Doncaster needs a railway line; it actually does. But instead, the government is only offering buses - with less capacity than rail and more susceptibility to traffic jams.
AUS$1.2 billion for regional roads. I think we should seriously considering shifting the bulk of our freight travel from road to rail. There are many reasons - most of which I'll cover on a latter post.
AUS$1.9 billion for outer-suburban roads. Sorry folks! Don't expect your train to arrive for another decade or so because the government are clearly happy to let you fester in your gas-guzzling automobiles. Let's just ignore peak oil until it really bites us in the rear.
Principal Freight Network established. This is road, not rail. Myopic and superficial as always.
AUS$750 million for a 'Peninsula Freeway'. This will be, essentially, an extension of Eastlink - delving straight into the heart of car-dependent suburbs.
Greensborough Freeway. I had a little chuckled when I read about Melbourne's 'missing link' in the road network; we've been filling-in these 'missing links' ever since it was proudly proclaimed by the then Premier Jeff Kennett that Citylink would solve all of our traffic woes. Now at a cost of more than AUS$6 billion, we are proposing to link two public transport-poor areas with some possible house demolitions to boot.
Truck Action Plan. I know little about this...but seeing as it involves yet another road at the expense of rail-freight, I'm a little cynical.

Good:

More trams and buses. The plan reads: "A $1.5 billion investment in up to 50 new large low floor trams to boost the tram fleet and up to 270 new low floor buses to expand bus services and replace older buses, including the continuation of the hybrid bus trial". No complaints from me there. Hopefully all of our buses will become hybrids; thereby cutting emissions.
Billion-dollar upgrade to major rural transport infrastructure. I can't really say if it's bad or good...but upgrades are generally good. I'd be happier if there was more money allocated towards rural rail ahead of rural roads.
AUS$930 million upgrade to bus services. Certainly welcome...but will it actually happen? This is a question we all should be asking ourselves and posing to outer-suburbanites.
Safety boost. The government have committed some 50 extra transport police. This is very welcome, but I think all stations across the network have to be staffed; there's a campaign for that here.
AUS$105 million for bike projects. This is to be welcomed - though more money would have been welcomed.
AUS600 million for Maryborough station re-opening. More stations and more trains: is there anything better?
Numerous other rail extensions. The South Morang extension is to be fast-tracked (though I'd have liked it to go up to where the suburbia ends: Mernda) and several new stations in 'growth corridors' are set to be constructed. I largely welcome this though the finer details have yet to be analysed.
Successive Grade-Separations. Totalling some AUS$ 440 million, Victorians should see level crossings being replaced by bridges or tunnels. There is a sizeable list of level crossings that should be prioritised. Let's hope the government get it right.
Green Vehicle Trials. I suppose I shouldn't be opposing this...though I still believe we should have 'economic euthanasia' for inefficient industries like our car industry.

There is more to the plan than what it includes; it omits some vital projects such as a rail line to Doncaster, one to Rowville and another to the Airport (for starters...this is rudimentary stuff!). My other criticisms, if not addressed in this post by Peter Campbell, are that:

The government is still steadfast in its privatisation mantra. There is only one other competitor for Melbourne's public transport operations other than Connex. Duopoly!
The Urban Growth Boundary (UGB), having been progressively extended (and now deceased), will force more and more people to use their cars. Of course, in the (myopia-suffering) eyes of the government, this means more roads...and for the RACV goons, more champagne no doubt.
A failure to utilise available infrastructure. People keep forgetting that the City Loop is not, in anyway, at capacity. The government has not denied this, but has instead used excuses and pointed to the glorious predictions of passenger-usage of the new 'metro' to Domain. Most of the responses from the government are akin to ad nauseum: a logic fallacy.
No station staff for all stations in Melbourne. We need them 24/7 please.

This is what the rail network may look like when the plan is completed:
Ironically, whilst touting the benefits of roads, the government is also keen to show this pie chart:

For better or for worst, we may not be able to afford the plan. My fear here is that more essential projects will get the axe. It's a very real threat. We know Brumby will never turn down an opportunity to build yet more roads, so it's likely that a public transport project will get silenced.
It will also take time; and Brumby isn't sure when it will all be complete. It's almost certain he won't be the Premier in 2020...and seeing as we've unwittingly made transport planning in the state vulnerable to the ministerial spin-cycle, another plan will probably claim triumphant. Meanwhile, some councils from the eastern suburbs have banded together and made a complaint. Fair enough; most of the city is being betrayed (despite the massive amount of projects set to take place).

The network, in its current state, is in shambles. Trains run infrequently, crime is rampant and various transport modes (e.g trams, buses etc) rarely connect to each other in time (or geographically it would seem). This fits in snugly with what we already know about the uncoordinated nature of transport planning in this state. The PDF report I downloaded made scant references to other transport plans including Meeting Our Transport Challenges (MOTC); it is unclear whether or not the third track to Dandenong will go ahead. It stipulates how the"Metropolitan Transport Plan (2004) together with Melbourne 2030, set the strategic direction for a growing and developing city." That's saying very little. At least the plan admits that "the Victorian Transport Plan replaces MOTC, and also incorporates the response
to the report Investing in Transport (2008), prepared by Sir Rod Eddington." Which plan will replace this one? Even Ted Bailleu is confused.

And to finish the post, I'll include a short clip produced by Daniel Bowen of the PTUA:

Ocean Grove

2008-12-09T08:24:00.001+11:00

Last weekend me, Kath and Nat (and his girlfriend, Sheray) buggered off to Ocean Grove for some relaxation, alcohol and garlic bread (but not necessarily in that order). Unfortunately Mr. Stupid here (me) forgot to bring his camera. But there is much to discuss.

Firstly, Nat performed a 'magic massage' on me. Nat is a magician, you see, and so he knows about these sorts of things. He alleges it's a bit like Reiki. From what I read of Reiki, it isn't. In fact, it involves placing a flame-hot 'magic knife' onto one's shoulders. This extremely painful process is immediately followed by the swift application of a ice-cold Smirnoff Bottle to one's lower ribs. Apparently this ordeal - however painful or dangerous - is meant to clear away metaphysical energy signatures that block up my 'Chakras'. It really did hurt...
Also, we did some Tarrot readings. 90% of what Nat read from my cards, other people I know's cards and Kath's cards was very true...and it got me thinking...maybe magic is logical? Nah. But it was all a bit fun. It's as fun as it's irrational. Case closed.

I also saw two Northcote people on holiday, and just missed my friend Elise (a writer and artist) who was down there at the same time. Another odd thing was that the local fish-and-chip shop closes at 12 noon during week-days.

I also am a freak (according to Kath and Nat). This is because I put my maps, my soap and my sunglasses in the freezer. It was a hot-ish day and I wasn't prepared to go outside unarmed. What was even funnier was that this is exactly like Gary Simmonds from my TV series (Electro Muskrats) who has an entire song devoted to singing about the maps he has on his walls.
Oh well...we all have our perks don't we?

Now the most interesting titbit of the entire trip was a religious debate we had during the first night (Friday night). It was a Reuben vs All match with some sporadic outbursts of rage. By the end of the debate, there were a few conclusions:

Religion is perfectly acceptable if it causes no externalities. This means that, so long as it does not interfere with other's lives, we should welcome it. This was the big difference, according to Kath, between politics and religion. Politics is synonymous with externalities whereas religion isn't. This idea is a bit problematic when some religions intrinsically tout themselves on your doorstep or when they run for politics.
People have no control over what they believe. This, according to Nat, exists because one doesn't not have any control over their environment; if they were abused by a priest (for want of a better example), then it'd be understandable that they might reject Christianity or whatever Christian denomination they were exposed to up to the point of the abuse. We believe because belief is a response to environmental conditions. Therefore, I can't help being an atheist because of whatever environmental conditions led me to become an atheist. That's odd. If I wanted to be, say, a Sunni Muslim for half a year what's there to stop me? Or is half a year too short to ingrain one's sense of belief?
Belief is belief; leave it alone. And don't try to challenge it too much because belief in a deity is never accountable to reason so don't bother trying. You'll only end up confusing yourself and making the believer feel either humiliated or offended. Does anyone think this is a problem rather than a side-effect? Whilst all views must be respected, should we allow the unaccountable to get away with it? Perhaps...

Finally, I'd like to remark on how pleasant it is to catch Vline V-locity trains from Geelong station to Southern Cross station. They're really smooth, comfortable and the staff are efficient; the fares are cheap (AUS$3:10 for an off-peak, concession from the two said stations). Of course no train in Australia is as fast as the ones in Europe or Japan but the feeling of speed is tangible - particularly when you outpace struggling Comengs on the Werribee line. The below clip is basically what I experienced (but inside the train):

Flagrant Homophobia

2008-12-06T18:18:00.001+11:00

Better watch out. They're coming out of the closet and at you!

Thanks to the 'Thoughts In My Pants' blog.

Incidentally, does anyone remember this story? The sound of Fundamentalist Christians getting their knickers in a knot over equality is certainly a sight to behold. Shame they're such bigots.

Melbourne 2030 Eulogy

2008-12-03T20:00:00.001+11:00

Sadly (or gladly), Melbourne 2030 passed away in parliament. John Brumby has given the green light (ironically, really) to expand our urban sprawl. Melbourne 2030 was meant to address and rein-in urban sprawl, but we knew that could never happen with a dysfunctional planning and transport departments, a dysfunctional population policy and a functional delusion some Australians hold dear about owning big houses on big plots of land. This news is hardly surprising; they've extended the UGB (Urban Growth Boundary) three times since Melbourne2030 was conceived and virtually none of the plans in Melbourne2030 have been implemented.
I remember, during my work experience in year 10 at Darebin city council, big plans for Preston. The area was set to be transformed in accordance with the guidelines of Melbourne2030, with medium density apartments and a civic square with a linking path to Preston station (which also was designated for redevelopment...with a SmartBus stop). A long overdue grade separation between the Epping line and Murray, Bell and Gower streets was to take place. Now, it's uncertain what will happen - seeing as the entire proposal was underpinned by Melbourne 2030.

Interestingly, only yesterday, me and Jayden were at Parliament. We shook hands with Ted (who is also a messiah, like me) and Peter and talked to one of the security staff who I convinced that I was stupid enough for the job of politician. Actually...he probably wasn't convinced. Anyway, I just thought I'd let you all know that Tim Holding is a fast SMS sender (he did it during question time) and Rob Hulls whispered to John Brumby "talk about leading a horse to the water", to which Brumby hastily said "shut up". It sounds as though politicians are humans too.

Quantum of Solace and Sweeney Todd

2008-12-02T20:58:00.000+11:00

I've watched two films recently...

Quantum of Solace: The new bond. We're all familiar with the Bond series I hope. Well this one wasn't the best. Basically it's a continuation of the plot of Casino Royal and delves into some further ulterior motivations by a shadowy organisation. M is almost killed and her trust in Bond is fractured as the enemy - some dude with a bulbous face who runs a bogus environmental organisation. In the end, the threat is cleared and Bond goes back to being the womanising, selfish and pampered secret service agent he is. Oh...and the plot involves oil and water too.
Overall, I was fairly impressed by Quantum of Solace. The plot was snappy and fast-paced and there was some nice character development on the part of Bond himself. Bond reiterates his "motivation by duty" and finishes off his bulbous-faced villains nicely. His new companion is also incredibly beautiful; though I'd have liked some more 'revealing' scenes.
As for production elements, I wasn't too impressed. The editing is choppy, sore-on-the-eyes and may as well have been fabricated by Andrew Bolt based on the quality. Each shot occupied a grand total of one third of a second during the action sequences and it also involved a very shaky camera. Further to this, the direction was abysmal. There was a scene at a concert in Switzerland whose shots were so muddled up, it was hard to grasp what was happening. The lighting in most scenes, however, was exemplary. The audio was decent, nothing special. Overall, it was a good effort but closer attention needs to be paid towards direction and camera angles during the action scenes.
Ranking: 15/20

This is the trailer (or one of many anyway...):

Sweeney Todd: The demon barber of Fleet Street. An excellent film indeed. It's a musical, actually; one involving a barber whose life is turned upside-down when a morally-corrupt judge sentences him on a false charge. The barber (Benjamin Barker) eventually returns and renames himself 'Sweeney Todd'. Seeking vengeance, he cavorts with a Mrs Lovett and the two hatch-out a scheme whereby he kills his customers and their bodies are used for meat in Mrs Lovett's pie shop. This process eventually captures the ire of his ex-wife (now a street beggar) who constantly interferes with their business. He kills her, but only realises later that it's his wife.
The best thing about this film is its atmosphere. It's set in Victorian London where it's nice, cold, dark and cosy (indoors). The lighting is so wonderfully gloomy and moody that it alone deserves an award. But let's move on; the music was also a highlight. My favourite song was 'Pretty Women' depicted in the images on the side (and in the final Youtube clip on this post) and it is like chocolate for one's ears. Excellent stuff. I had no problems with the production elements.
The story itself is captivating, dark and deep. It's mesmerising and easily watched again. The characters are exceedingly well-developed. Even minor characters like Beadle Banford - despite their comparatively small roles - are easily understood and recognisable...as well as being excellent plot devices. The narrative is fluid and flows well and there are some particularly memorable moments such as when Lovett and Todd are singing about how "those above must serve those down below" referring to both the British class system and the literal fact that Todd is bringing Lovett meat (victims) for her pies (his barber shop is above her pie shop).
I have no serious complaints with this movie, but some more shots of Victorian London on the Street level and its rooftops wouldn't have gone astray; I'm a man of 'urban-interest'.
Rating: 19/20

Do you want to see the Sweeney Todd trailer? Here:

And my favourite song? Here:

Council Elections: Cazaly Ward

2008-11-30T13:13:00.023+11:00

It's election time. All of our favourite local candidates are out in force, bombarding our letter-boxes will ill thought-out policies, hyperbole and promises of "cleaner streets and lower taxes" (does anyone get the contradiction there?). Naturally I voted for the Greens candidate, but I'm still a bit unsure of his policies; I'm unsure of all the candidates really, but I still need to make a vote.
Some candidates delivered their advertising in a pamphlet whilst some had a misleading official-looking envelope that said in stern, red letters "To the Household". I would think the intention there would be to mislead - rather than add a tone of authority.
More than 70% of them were members of the ALP; however, they all had diverse views and plans. There was one conservative and one Green and some other random independents.
Let's have a look at some of the candidates:

Not bad...and it's encouraging to hear his stance on Poker machines; he's the only candidate to raise the issue so far. He's Labor, interestingly enough (surely he's contravening Brumby's passion for gambling?).

Jayne Govan: conservative and contradictory. She is "business friendly" and yet will "oppose over-development of our area". Her other policies are average at best, but I'm very doubtful of her "solutions for...transport problems". Another road perhaps?

I'm surprised this guy (an independent) isn't from Belgium with the amount of waffling he emits. I love Belgian waffles, but this chap takes waffling to far greater heights of rhetoric. I mean, who wouldn't want to "embracing participatory democracy"? Is that a controversial issue now?

Liz Leveridge is probably one of the better candidates; she put the Greens candidate 2nd on her 'preferences' card. But she does strike me as particularly active too: prepared to lobby the state government for more funding (funding has been cut for Darebin) and a commitment to carbon neutrality.

"Dear Rueben", his pompous letter reads, I will "improve traffic management" and "clean up our streets and park". Well reasoned and convincing...who could possibly argue? My favourite part of his letter reads such: "I am an active member of the Labor Party and a strong believer in Labor's principles, I will be completely independent in my role as a Councillor". I'll give Glossy to whoever can guess the flaw in that statement.

Deanne makes all the sounds of a true Friends of the Earth member (and maybe she is); excellent. Strange, then, that the Green's member put her so far behind. Perhaps she has an ulterior motive, but right now I'm satisified with her superior hair.

Never mind his stern looks and unfashionable glasses, George Novatsis has a plan. Yes...he plans to support "for family" and proposes "replacing our footpaths and drains" (with what?). I don't know what supporting 'family' means. Does he mean 'working families'? He's not from the ALP though. Hmmm...does he mean redefining 'family' for contemporary purposes (ie recognising same-sex couples, their kids etc)? I would assume not. I'm completely and utterly lost.

It's pleasing to note someone's wanting to extend the route 112 tram to Henty Street, Reservoir. But I hardly think Mr Gogas is 'retired' when he's running for councillor.

Like a well-oiled elevator, Alison Donahue smoothly glides into my sight as an experienced councillor. Unfortunately, she only cares about short term financial-adjustment policies such as "reform rates and keep rates low" as if that's some sort of crisis facing Darebin. Oh well...at least she promises me "a decent lifestyle".

The Green's candidate - Mohammed El-Leissy - offers a refreshing strategy: to transform Darebin into a Green Hub, with 'Green collar' workers. That sounds good. It's pleasing to see someone who isn't so concerned with tax-cuts (which I don't agree with) and focusing on a more future-focused issue.

Another smooth elevator (again, from Labor). He's a bit self-righteous, claiming he's "the only candidate openly, honestly and transparently publishing their vision". Well he got that right! My letterbox has subjugated by his persistant documenting of his 'vision'. At least he's planning to place a school-crossing on Miller Street, Preston.

By far the most slippery Labor candidate. He'll give you pensioners an extra $100 and will establish "a community garden". Where? Oh never mind...the guy just oozes charm and that's a turn-off for me. I'm all in favor of community-friendly places (who wouldn't be?), but his ideas and plans are too broad for my tastes. I also don't like his hair.

The worst candidate of them all. Clearly Antoine Karam hasn't the slightest clue as to what makes a good councillor. He askes (in a rather hopeless tone, actually), "when was the last multi-cultural festival in Darebin?" Hmm...that wouldn't be that thing when High Street gets closed for a day whilst residents go out and mingle? It's a yearly event...does Karam want it to be weekly? He makes the unsubstantiated claim that "many people answer that there is a lack of community activities and events". Surely that's the community's fault: not some simplistic and ill-thought out plan based on misperception; Darebin has more 'culture' than any other northern-suburb district. We have the Koori Night market at the old town-hall for starters. We also have the greatest amount of musicians per square kilometre than anywhere else in Australia.
Naturally I put Karam last on my preferences.

Another Labor candidate. She too is a Belgian, given her propensity to waffle on about how "council must recognise and value the role that each of us as individuals, businesses and community groups have in making Darebin a better place to live, work and play". Erm...what are you talking about? Lower preference for you, my friend.

It sounds as though Trevor Poulton would be popular with Merri Creek revegetation group; strange, then, that they haven't endorsed him. He sounds quite good though. If he "knows the problems people in Darebin face", then he's got my vote (after the Greens, of course).

Vince Fontana's approach is best explained by poem:

He is from the ALP
He won't try to charge us an extra fee
He will fund local sports
And send irresponsible developers to the courts

He wants to "build a fairer Darebin"
But does he think homosexuality is a sin?
Talking of equality isn't enough
His eyebrows are quite rough

No mention of public transport
A battle I have consistently fought
Vince looks like he might do some good
But to support freeways? He would

Bow to me mortals

2008-11-28T23:32:00.003+11:00

I am to be revered from now on. If you're questioning this assertion, I suggest you visit here.

The Formal

2008-11-27T15:25:00.001+11:00

I had my formal last night; it was good (better than last year's). I learnt ten things:

Kath is good at breaking things: her phone was snapped cleanly in two and she was thus virtually unreachable.
It's best to check if your shirt is the right size. Mine was a little too big - but I managed.
Nat is excellent at challenging me. Incidentally, he also thinks me a messianic figure.
Formal Food is decent, but a bit fattening and too processed...it's mass produced.
Bring more than AUS$70 when you go out at such events.
My English teacher thinks intellectual rigour is attainable through mediating with others. He's a communist, apparently.
It's a little sad to see people you know go, knowing full well you're unlikely to see them again. But swapping contacts is good too.
I can't dance any more than I can operate the Clayton Synchrotron.
Security was very effective. Two drunk classmates were calmed down after they were behaving a bit belligerent.
Formal photos cost AUS$10 if you're with Happy Medium photos. They were good though.

So you get the gist I take it. Now you'd be wanting some photos.

Before-the-formal portrait.

After-the-formal portrait.

Can you spot the differences?

Also, Oskar's done a blog post about the night - and included the charming conversation we had with my slightly drunk English teacher, Mr. Norman.

Going nowhere fast

2008-11-26T13:41:00.003+11:00

Three things:

I'll let you draw your own conclusions.

Three events

2008-11-25T11:38:00.010+11:00

1. I attended the Islamic Conference at Melbourne University; I was a paid usher. Excellent food and everybody was very nice...though I'm a little sceptical about how far you can take a certain sheik's comments on women without Burkas out of context. Many present-day conflicts that Islam faces were also discussed - due to the open and frank nature of the event.

2. I went to the a Queer rights rally with my queer activist friend, Kath on Saturday; I don't think Kath thought I was as supportive as I should have been (I actually don't like chanting or waving banners; being there is good enough for me). Socialist Alternative were the main organisers - or so I was led to believe - which was interesting. I don't really understand why they deliberately attempt to link everything back to social class systems (and their frequent referrals to the evil "ruling class" becomes tedious after a while), but they do. I'm a little perturbed as to how they could link poor management of public transport with a ruling elite. I don't think a 'workers revolution' will make my 7:45 to Epping run to schedule. But anyway...it was an enjoyable time overall. I largely agree with what many at the rally were advocating for - but I'm not an absolutist (and try my best to keep it that way), so I was forced to disagree on many an occasion. There was also a homophobe who, in futile, attempted to provoke us; he got bandied out of the area and thrown out onto Little Lonsdale street. Here are some photos of the day:

That's Kath, doing what she does best: grinning contently.

The latte left are joined by the effective Emos.

An amiable atmosphere: people mingling and talking casually (it seemed as though everyone agreed with each other, which is probably not an inaccurate thing to say).
And a pie chart that quantifies the effects of Gay marriage on the world (from GrodsCorp).

3. I also had my Year 12 Graduation ceremony last night. That was interesting; we all got awards though I got no specific awards. Some students at Northcote are very talented - some got up to three specific awards. Fortunately, I don't have any photos to substantiate my claims - however, a friend (and fellow graduate) took some and did a blog post about it.

Of bollocks and bastards

2008-11-21T20:28:00.008+11:00

Socialism has penetrated America; it has been perpetrated by the evil government in its brazen attempts to secure jobs and impoverish economic rationalists - or at least their credibility. What many 'small-town' (and small-minded) yanks would pointedly criticise as undemocratic and dangerous has manifested to save their jobs. Blue collar workers concerned about their incomes (and socialism) need not worry when both income and socialism fall apart resulting in their unemployment. Rudd has given similar legislation. But where are the Church of Privatisation on hand to rip Rudd (and whoever's in charge of America) to shreds over this blatant government intervention? Where are the cavalry? Where's Richard Allsop and John Roskam when we need them?
The truth is, we don't need either Allsop or Roskam. Neither do we need this intervention to prop up a dying industry; instead, I'd propose 'economic euthenasia' whereby workers are given remuneration packages and 're-educated' for a different economic sector. The managers and CEOs can - as far as I'm concerned - can cope without another more money. Instead, the AUS$Xmillion can be better spent on trying to secure better public housing stock or perhaps distributing free solar panels to low-income people.

On the topic of rich people getting out of hand, I was dumbstruck by this news. According to Gerry Harvey - a tycoon - assisting homeless people is "helping a whole heap of no-hopers survive for no reason". Well, he's not wrong on that. They aren't an investment, but neither are victims of crime, refugees or any other person or institution that actually needs government support. But it's exceedingly ironic, cavalier and indifferent that he should profess such an opinion. If anything, it's people like him who are a drag on the community: protesting about high taxes and anything that may possibly hinder their insatiable demands for attention and stocks. If we were to break apart Mr. Harvey's accumulated wealth and redistribute it fairly (in accordance with whatever blue-collar Americans disparage), then I'm not ashamed to say that many will benefit. There might be soy sauce and lemons (pictured) for all. But that's too socialist for many.

I thought I'd end up on a positive note: There may be a metro for Baghdad. It's a robustly audacious proposal, but no war is endless...and I certainly hope that one ends soon. Once the Middle-East becomes peaceful, I eagerly await the construction of various railway proposals (such as the one linking Egypt, Israel, Lebanon and Turkey). Regrettably it's a long way off...

Coming soon...

2008-11-20T20:23:00.001+11:00

I can't wait.

Exam report

2008-11-18T18:28:00.000+11:00

Since I haven't talked about it much, I thought I'd give you all you need to know about how I felt during exams. I shall be doing this much like a Brian Hughes-styled Archaeology dig; but instead of digging for amphorae, I shall be digging for stress and feedback...if that makes sense.

Firstly, my SAC (Student Assessed Coursework) mark averages are below. Full marks are 100% whereas zero is (obviously) 0%. Enjoy:

English: 85%
Maths Methods: 65%
Geography: 87%
Biology: 85%
Media: 88%

I was studying vigorously throughout the year. The easiest subject was Media (I had a very relaxed teacher) whilst the hardest, unequivocally, was Maths Methods (despite the best Maths teacher in Northcote teaching me). Geography, as I've explained before, is not a subject that takes a lot of brain space...but it's still hard to get good marks. Biology is one of my favourite subjects - not least because of my hard-working teacher, but because I find it highly enjoyable. English, despite my teacher assuming the laze-faire attitude of a windsock, was quite enjoyable - especially when we weren't actually doing work and gas-bagging about all sorts of jejune subject matter.

For the last two months I have been struggling immensely. Imagine yourself dying of thirst in a desert. Now multiply that by 56.54. Once you've got that number, raise it to the power of one billion. Imagined that? Good. That's only 23% of what I've experienced in terms of torture.
After two months of extensive revegetation works, Reuben's study resembles a forest.

Glossy does what he does best: nothing.

With stress running at an all-time high, it's little wonder that inter-species grumpiness is common.

The angst is palpable.
It was a long journey for Glossy; so long, in fact, that it gave him a toothache.

Even the atmosphere has been effected by the collective VCE-stress. The cyan sky is pollution from the teenage brain.

Here is a short trailer for 'VCE in the Garden': a mini series that won't be premièring on any self-respecting TV station (a pity, really, seeing as most of them are dreadful).

So now you're probably wondering how the exams themselves went. Fortunately, I don't have the time or patience to bore you with them, but I shall summarise - in dot point form - as you'll see below. All exams have the 'reading time' (always 15 minutes), precluded. Enjoy:

English: Three hours of fun-time. The Context piece (whereby I drew on two texts, The 'Catcher in The Rye' and the movie 'Witness') was where I struggled, probably because I relegated it to the last hour when my concentration was waning. The text analysis, on 'A Man For All Seasons' (as depicted), went relatively smoothly...though I know I made innumerable spelling and grammatical errors. The language analysis (picking out persuasive techniques, tone etc of a given piece) was easy but I considered the opinion piece itself to be nothing short of deplorable. Overall, not a bad exam; I did not exceed my expectations.
Biology: One and a quarter hours of scribbling. Perhaps the most poorly-structured Biology exam since the chaps from NEAP - clearly under the influence of Absinthe - wrote the 2008 trial paper. Nevertheless, I polished off all the questions with only a minimal amount of doubt in my mind as to its correctness. The first short-answer question regarding mitosis (not meiosis) was very tricky...asking us to jot-down how there are equal proportions of DNA before and after mitosis. I felt quite satisfied after the Biology exam: the subject of which I had studied for the most (I've done two SACs with full marks each this year...something I'm proud of).
Geography: Two hours of enjoyment-bleeding. Ugh. Perhaps the least enjoyable of all the exams (not least because the course, as I've mentioned copious times, is about as well-structured as a Flat Earth Society corporate profile). The last question was perhaps the most painstaking - asking me to articulate an appropriate management response to 'the positive impacts of climate change' in Northern Europe. Naturally, I considered how countries like Norway would have to restructure their agriculture sector due to warming climates.
Maths Methods exam I: This was one hour and a quarter of calculator-less bliss. I thoroughly enjoyed the probability questions on this exam - probably because I subconsciously felt a ping of guilt at not doing two other major questions on Surface Area and rates of change. I felt a sense of relief after that exam.
Maths Methods exam II: Two hours of smugness. I felt more confident (and believe I did better) than the calculator-free Maths Methods exam I. Here, using a calculator enabled me to graph those ultra complex tangent graphs (such as the last question) - albeit without 'exact value intercepts' - without too much difficulty. I felt euphoric after that exam.
Media exam: Two hours of recall. Fairly easy, though I probably could have been more concise with my answers. The final exam: my happiness was palpable.

That's it folks....sorry for the long post.

Will she return to the political spotlight?

2008-11-16T20:31:00.002+11:00

If the American people won't, God will. But who'd want to help Sarah Palin attain more heights of power? She's stark raving mad. Even her own conferences leave a sense of confusion and bewilderment. I don't think she'll make it; America sounds like it may be sluggishly moving out of the dark ages - even in spite of Prop. 8 - and hopefully things will turn out for the better.

Sleazy?

2008-11-15T13:03:00.000+11:00

I found this on a traffic-light pole on High Street, Northcote. Offering to pay between $400 and $800 for a nude shoot for women. However, it does request that the "females wanted" would be younger - with 18 being the youngest (given the legal requirements) and 25 being the oldest. What I am pondering is why would you be paid between $400 and $800; on what basis? The ad reassures prospective 'models' that you needn't "be tall, waif-like or have big boobs". And you'll leave the shoot feeling "confident and empowered".
My suspicions are raised by the informal nature of the ad, and the fact that it's posted on a traffic light pole instead of, say, in an arts centre or strip-club (obviously depending on the nature of the business). There is also no information regarding where (though I suppose it'd be nearby) or which organisation is doing it. Instead, feel free to "SMS Erin @ ....."
However, if I were female I would participate...I need the money. If they had a similar ad for men, then I would most certainly parktake. Would you go along with it?

Internet trolls

2008-11-13T20:15:00.002+11:00

If you haven't had one on your blog yet, you probably haven't lived (if you don't have a blog, you're probably not alive). There is a particularly maliciously irrelevant one called 'Phillip Travers'. He's becoming infamous. He's even been banned on this blog.

Here is an example of the Travers Troll in action (on this blog, on a post about Vodafone...see the screenshot):

Sometimes when I have a site from some of the more militarily troubled areas similar to the Lara,up on the righthand side comes an Egyptian beauty ,looking sharp eyed at you,with a minimal of dress.Why in anyones heaven do they want to give them awa! .KeeleyNet.com,once offered his opinion on Egyptian fellahs on camels,always scratching their balls,and suggesting something about manliness.Which ,I thought was a bit humorous,but lacking subtlety,as I certainly wouldn't want to be on a camel all day,let alone in their traffic on road.And besides I have an occasional scratch myself due to drought and water supply.I still think its odd,that people have gone holus bolus for mobile phones,as continuous users.And even so I dont think they really do enough,as well as being a health hazard.And then pay for some inconvenience.I think phone companies ,should just get together on matters of call centres and help each other out on that one.So that call centres refer only to phone company services plural,rather than anyone that can mug you over the phone,if they have your number.It might improve service as well as keeping job security and employee conditions and monies.TV does it,why not phone companies!Remember that bug that was in every computer,embedded dat!?.Well look at the co-operation!?

Maybe I'm the stupid one; does this make sense to anyone?
Maybe his belief about the Indonesian Justice system is more logical:

It seems even Indonesians in Canberra feel offended by the likes of me.So I offer them some solutions.All those who are opposed to the death penalty that are Australian,should never express any concern about Indonesians generally,in case it offends,and b . all those pro-death penalty especially, at this site,can be volunteered to shoot Indonesians at the pay rates ,equivalent in Australian money to do the job,thus then, it wont be Indonesians doing it to Indonesians,but,good Australians!?The end result of such can then be broadcast or televised over the mABC who are always fair to everyone,as I regularly think.

Have you ever heard such wisdom?

I reminded the owner of the said blog that he was, truly, a troll:

Jeremy, when are you going to ban Phillip Travers? The troll/retard is giving me a headache (more than this heat, incidentally)...

Travers hit back at me (with the gusto and coherence of pack of crisps):

Teenage irony is like listening to a Bob Dylan song whilst you are at a party,where 'Everybody must get Stoned",is played once too often,as everyone lines up at the inside toilet,and the flush system has carked it.Rueben,I lay no claim to being a super-hero in one of the computer games ,you surely have played too often.If you at your bright age,are the new lobbyist for Metropolitan Rail do so without oblique reference to me.I just hate the Victorian ALP,and, it is very simple to understand.I now have been pleasured by the N.S.W. experience,and,I have the same sense of reality.Queensland is not where I am heading,I just want these self-important ALP types to feel they are unsafe and hated,every day of their overpaid existence.I find no glamour,when it comes to them,in being polite and drunk.

This troll, I though initially, may not be able to speak English...perhaps it's using a cheap translation software; but then why would they know about Australian politics so well? It's a fair assumption - that when someone knows about Australian politics - they should be reasonably fluent in English. Why then the innumerable spelling errors and lack of sense? Oh well...if he comes here, he's sure to get a warm welcome.

Fellow bloggers, be warned: You may be next.

A bitter debate nears its end

2008-11-12T21:31:00.002+11:00

After some pointless banter, the debate I had with the deviantART member from NSW, approached its final conclusion. Judge for yourself.

Reuben in dark green.
Opponent in red.

Off we go...

beg your parden but its pointless to fight with some one who has a bias oppion and to make matters even worse all you do is point out the bad fact of australia. have you ever taken a look at the blue mountains or the central coast. have you ever been out to the country and seen the utter sirenity i mean come on. All you see is the bad you see a shiny coin and deside to turn it over to look for the stain. there is a japanese saying for the want of a nail the horse shoe was lost for the want of a horse shoe the steed was lost for the want of a steed the message was undelivered and for the want of an undelivered message the war was lost. what i am trying to say is stop seeing the horrible things. Stop wanting this perfect utopia and start appreshiation wat Australia really is. Because maybe just maybe by trying to point out all its flaws you missed the great bits and by trying to change the horrible things you chamged the great things im sorry but i do not see the point in looking at the bad and dissmissing the good. if you want me to start screaming about every good point this country has. just to win an argument with a pesamistic person well then you have already lost. Australia is not about beating the other country or competing for the best new things it never was and im sorry if you think that. Im sorry that you think that australia is a horrible place to live i truly am because to me it one of the best places in the world and you have to know were you have been to know where you are going and it is my personal thought that you have to know who you are to know who you will be and as the saying goes i am you are we are australian and i pity you if you think that if we changed a little that we would be so much better. Just as i see only the good points of this country you see only the good points of the other countrys. If you have to keep pointing out the flaws in your own country then you are never going to be happy. because as soon as you go to another country your just going to find the flaws in it so all you will ever do is go on wanting and complaining. Look to me australia is pure and maybe its not perfect but compared to a lot of places its dam well near. im just sorry you dont see it that way. but if you want proof go to the Blue mountains go to coffs harbour hell go to newcastle and see the history the heritage. but i dout you will as said you think there are better places. and truly dout you have ever been and guess wat that is truly unaustralian.

Poor spelling and grammar aside, to mention the Blue Mountains twice is very suspicious; perhaps there's nothing more to Australia than those mountains in NSW. She clearly didn't proof-read, opting instead to drown out her own argument with repetition and silliness.
I hit back:

Until you can compile a cogent, coherent argument with more evidence that some incoherent chants of patriotism, you stand on very thin ice.

I never said I hate Australia, let alone 'dislike' it. I merely think that your blind faith, and others like you, will give politicians an excuse to get away with anything. The exact same situation applies to America when feel-good patriots congregate and worship the oaf they put in power (Bush).

I never said I wanted Utopia. But clearly you're happy with substandard quality so don't complain if you're suffering.

I am unaustralian? Not really.

Try again.

I hope I wasn't too harsh. But, according to her, I was. Enter the non-sequitor and irrelevant fact spewing session:

i never wanted to argue in the first place but if you want to argue statistics 2.6% of Australias population is Aboriginal while the cree tribes of America only have 0.4% and with the Apache tribe only having 2.7%.and if you want real trouble then try living in Sudan or Ethiopia. You seem to think that the country we live in is so bad try living there.or even try Georgia with russia attacking. Yes this country has its faults and dont get me started on the things i think are wrong with it but it also has its good qualitys. such as the fact that we are the first country in the world to have a female governer genral and a good law system the police work for the public they actually help people where in other countrys the law system is corrupt. Our military has connections such as the ANZUS pact and we have a seat at the East Asia Summit due to the Treaty of Amity and Cooperation This country was ranked third in the United Nations 2007 Human Development Index and sixth in The Economist worldwide Quality-of-Life Index 2005 and in Australia there are 21,465.709 people residing here. so this country may not be perfect and may need some work but its not as bad as you think.

Hmm...we do pretty good don't we? But what has the ANZUS pact got to do with complacency from our politicians or indeed patriotism? But the decades neglect our indigenous communities have suffered does bear-out on the world stage. Anyway...let us continue...

Oh yes I agree with you there. And I never likened Australia to warzones such as Georgia or Sudan. That would be utterly irrational.

However, it is pleasing to note you arguing with evidence, rather than nonsense.

My point, however, still stands. You need to compare Australia to Europe and the United States for a true comparison.

Am I right here? Surely comparing Georgia or Sudan to Australia is patently irrational, when better comparisons (between the said countries) exist? But in true form, my opponent vindicates herself with an apology.

soz i have not replyed i have not givin in and i never shall have tests so i will write back with facts later

I think she means exams (remember this was a week or so ago). But she, regardless of my disputatious defence, goes off on a tangent. I responded, however.

Don't bother. I'm bored with this debate anyway; I didn't take it too seriously.

After this, there isn't much worth documenting. The argument didn't advance anywhere; in fact, as you will see, I could have easily sewn the two time-gaps of the argument together and you wouldn't have known.
I will skip to the tastier quotes nearer to the conclusion.

Time skip...

well neither did i because you seem to only see from your own point of view and to tell you the truth i cant really respect someone who is so bias

Everybody is biased with their opinion; the definition of an opinion is bias in many cases. In this case, however, I wasn't being biased - just aware of the nation's faults, and not blind to them. At this point, I was beginning to get seriously annoyed...as the following response shows.

And you're not? You're some sort of wise, straight-forward bastion of truth? I actually acknowledged Australia's strengths; you, on the other hand, were inviting ridicule with your incessant "Oh I think Australia's so perfect".

I don't treat hypocrisy very well.

It's true, I don't treat it very well (I have it locked up in the backyard, only to be released when necessary). But the following response was anything but reasoned and was in fact actively hypocritical as you may notice.

i never said Australia was perfect but unlike you i can see its faults and its flaws along with its beauty. and to tell you what i dont like being picked on all i EVER tried to do was show you that Australia is not as bad as you seem to think but you wont listen your stuck in your own hell bent world and not even the grip of god could pull you out. i hate the way you think your way is so much better you dont see anything with compasion all you see is your own bias oppinoin and yes im bias but alteast im bias its to the good and not the bad unlike you who only see the bad i see the good you want to change everything and i pray you never do because i would hate to live in your freakishly perfect UTOPIA i think id go insane everything is diffrent and unique and thats what makes it interesting we only live this life once so stop being a pesimist and i would hate to see the world as you do because if i did i would see everything as needing fixing instead of Appreciating what we already have i dont think Australias perfect but there is no way in hell that its as bad as you think.

Need I expound on her 'style'? I retaliated, albeit a little grumpier.

Yes you did. In fact you said "Australia is perfectly perfect" to use your own words.

Not even the "grip of god"? As an atheist, I'll try not to take offense to that - but seeing as you've done nothing but invite humiliation, with your sophistry and your hyperbole, I don't know why I bother to respond.

This will be my final message to you; you're frankly ridiculous and are getting to excited for me continue indulging your mindless patriotism.

She then fought back, with a personal attack, and reiterated her own inability to have an argument.

you know what i dont belive in god so there and im sick of attempting to instill a little hounor in you self inflated ego. i really dont like you so i dont give a dam in hell what you think because your a stuborn male and you think your way is always right. as i have said many time you only ever look at the bad point of view and thats not something that i see as a great quality so i am so glad we arnt ever going to speake again a frankly if i ever met you i think id want to shoot myself. i hope you perfect Utopia keeps you happy because any one dump enought to date you would need to be disabled. so injoy your little ideas and such your not even worth my time. I mean who would want to talk to someone who hates there own country cause thats all you have said so please dont write back because your pesimistic point of view just sucks

Excellent and exquisite verbiage from my opponent; at least she doesn't believe in God. That's one good aspect of her largely weak argument...but that's not even relevant to the discussion at hand (in fact, most of what she said wasn't). My final response was as follows:

Again? You're making (as usual), no sense. Why don't you just retire for the day with a bottle of Ginger Ale and focus on more important matters.

That was my final response. I was growing weary of her frankly stupid arguments. She hadn't.

why dont you stick your ginger ale were the sun dont shine and go get screwed. and while your at it why dont you go get a life instead of Criticizing everything around you.

Bold statements; lots of brassy things and not much in the way of substance (or indeed dignity).
Was I being too harsh and incendiary?
I'll let you draw your own conclusions from this one.

A potential step forwards

2008-11-10T12:06:00.001+11:00

Bob Brown has smartly questioned the need for having the 'Lords prayer' before the commencement of parliament. Now what's the 'Lords prayer'? Well it's a Christian thing that Christians (the devout ones anyway) do for a dubious reason. And what is Bob Brown proposing instead of the 'Lords prayer'? A period of reflection - irreligious and accommodating of all faiths. It makes sense.
Australia is a strictly secular country (or should be anyway) where the separation of church and state should be as distinctive as it is logical; we are not a Christian country in the true sense of the word, but even if we were, to have one faith's prayer shenanigans spread up and down the chamber would be a grave injustice against all notions of religious equality. But this important step forward was quashed, and no thanks to people like the one quoted below:

To Harry jenkins , Bob brown, and those who want to dispose of the LORDS PRAYER in parliment, I say to you know GOD (sic) know peace No GOD no peace, we are all created in the image of GOD that includes all mankind, as the times get tougher and things get worse we all need to be reminded that in GOD lays our strength and our salvation, you will find that more will turn to him, i pray that you also will come into the fold, salvation is a free gift available to all.
Posted by: joe of brisbane 10:35am today

Of course, this argument is so incredibly stupid, it probably shouldn't be quoted at all. But this is what democracy and free thought are up against: incessant dogma and hideous assumptions.
But wait...there's more:

No way should the Lord's Prayer be replaced by an acknowledgement of the so-called 'traditional Aboriginal owners.' It is divisive, racist and yet another attempt to alter Australia's history by the 'looney left. Get lost, Harry Jenkins!!!
Posted by: Anne Stoneman of Hurstbridge 9:08pm October 26.

Nonsense, my dear Anne. The Aboriginals were culturally and economically raped by the British army who used Australia as a housing centre for 'criminal classes' (as they would call them).
The below quote sums this up nicely:

Memo to the history-rewriting idiots: Australia was not founded on "Christian principles" unless you define "Christian principles" to include transporting people to a hell-hole halfway around the world for as little as stealing a loaf of bread. Keep religion in churches and out of parliament.
Posted by: Michael Lambrellis of East Malvern 7:02am today.

A country that was, however, founded on biblical principles was Israel. We all know how 'well' that turned out. A political party that is rooted in biblical principles is Family First (the leader of which is pictured on the right...during a casual clothes day in parliament).
Australia is a constitutional democracy; we are not a pack of believers and preachers who think that we can arbitrarily impose our values on a land's indigenous communities. In fact, Bob Brown is merely suggesting that we be more inclusive - that we drop the archaic and ridiculous Christian thing with something that can be conducive to all creeds, colours and beliefs. Is that such a preposterous idea?

Slightly off topic, but is the Liberal party moving forwards a bit too much, given their values? Malcolm Turnbull says he condones abortion, to a Christian audience. He's either very audacious or very stupid; some of those Christians invidiously wield political clout.

Error from Peter's office

2008-11-08T20:47:00.002+11:00

Oops...looks as though someone forgot to mask everyone else's addresses; oh if I were a spammer...the things I'd do.

I wouldn't classify this as evidence that Labor are actively searching for the stupidest bureaucrats to fill their rank and file, but it does raise quite a few eyebrows about staff training (at least from Peter Batchelor's department).

Outdoing themselves...again

2008-11-07T12:33:00.001+11:00

Some bureaucrat from Kosky's office has come up with by far the stupidest plan ever for Melbourne's public transport; it's so incredibly stupid, it beggars belief. It's that Tarneit line again. It would most likely be:

Single track: Inefficient and ironically defeats itself. The main reason behind the plan is to clear the bottleneck at Altona which is single track anyway. Why not just duplicate or triplicate the Altona track. The space already exists there!
A V-Line diesel service: Probably not very frequent as Vline services tend not to be; there is no mention of additional Geelong-Melbourne services.
Poorly routed: Tarneit residents mainly wish to go to the city or to Werribee. There are bus lines for the latter...but having 'circular' and 'bendy' lines as proposed is just physically inefficient and negates the fundamentals of network planning.
A waste of money: The 'fast train' that goes to Geelong is dependent on a direct route. Now that the Vline will have to wind its way though much of Tarneit, it will be slower still. Further evidence to show how these people can dream up a project and 'forget' about its status some three years later. If this spectacular idiocy goes ahead, it will come at the cost of AUS$1.5billion. There are far better ways to spend such money.
MOTC already lists a duplication from Laverton Station (also to be upgraded) to Altona station. Is this project to be scrapped?

I could provide a far more detailed analysis, but since the department have deliberately withheld their plans, it's impossible. But knowing the insular mentality they have, it would hardly surprise me if the worst should happen.
I'm not against a line to Tarneit, I just don't think the route is in anyway helpful. A branch line off from Laverton Station (as depicted above) might be a better option - some minor duplications might be necessary, or a revamped signalling procedure. Both cost less than the government's proposal - that nefarious proposal that merely reinforces today's condemnation of transport planning in the state.

In other transport related news, the poor sods at the racing carnival were left stranded when an electrical fault stopped all train services. Kosky launched an investigation, but if it had been any other day on any other line, I wouldn't have expected one. See what happens when publicity of commuter angst is raised that high? Action.