A while later...

Yes I know it's been yonks since I've contributed to Reubenville, perhaps so because of the demands placed on getting a job, losing it, doing university full time and maintaining and active social life. Facebook is also a blog-impetus removal device. Not much has changed in my life though. Some uni subjects are still wank. Others are terrific. As of today, the state Water Minister, Tim Holding has vanished. Life is looking up, down, left and right.

Winter Captions

It's that wonderful, wet season again...and how better to celebrate by posting the most embarrassing conundrums I get myself in and see what humor you can generate from them. Enjoy:

1.
Reuben attempts to belt the camera-man over the head with some Mercury Apple Cidar, but such a crisis is swiftly averted by Travis' thumb.

2. Militant atheism descends on an inner city park with much gusto.

3.Reuben shares a wonderful moment with a clown.

4.Reuben starves off an attack by an afro with lunatic attached.

5. Reuben bolsters decorum at fancy dress party by sporting a marvelous hat.

6.Reuben argues why biting his left shoulder is not the best idea under the circumstances...

7.Reuben attempts to capture dinner: Redhead Surprise with Basaltic Rice

8. The selling of sex begins in earnest in Healesville Coles' carpark.

Some things never change...

...and some do. Connex and Yarra Trams have been replaced, officially, by MTR a Hong Kong-based transport enterprise. Apparently they have a 99% reliability record in Hong Kong. On the surface that sounds good, but I remain slightly skeptical. I think they might be better than Connex. Connex has a bad reputation overseas as well as here. But does MTR? No... oh well we'll see how this plays out. To borrow and alter Obama's election slogan "change has come to Melbourne".

In another news, State Planning Minister Justin Madden has attempted to justify his government's latest (and rightly oppobrious). I'll respond to segments (salient and relevant ones)...

"Some planning critics, being ideologically opposed to growth suburbs, might look down on this. I reject such cultural snobbery and think that many of the critics have the debate framed wrongly."

Oh yes...urban planning isn't a true science. It's actually a cultural movement!!1! How stupid of all those universities to offer courses in that discipline. The truth is, Mr. Madden, that it's got nothing to do with cultural snobbery. Ironically it's his government's policies that create social problems and meager cultural enrichment that defines the so called elite suburbs of Fitzroy and St. Kilda. Is Madden arguing that people in those 'elite suburbs' hate those in the outer suburbs? Has he got some super dooper top secret information on underground gang wars between Brunswick's artistic community and the good residents of Belgrave?

"It's not about the urban growth boundary versus infill development."

Here Madden is contradicting his own department. Brumby has mentioned, proudly, on numerous occasions about how growth is the be all and end all. You can't have growth and environmental and liveability sustainability. It's incompatible. What's it going to be, Madden: the growth going up or the growth going down?

"Planning policy should be about the aspirations of individual Victorians. I enjoyed growing up on Melbourne's fringe. It wasn't perfect, but it had so many things going for it."

Are the outer suburbs more popular than the inner suburbs? That would be a more salient point to make. The truth is, even if people prefer the outer suburbs, it doesn't mean they don't want better public transport - particularly rail connections out there. And does that make it an elite suburb? Are elite suburbs just ones with good public transport?

"I totally reject the sort of intellectual superiority of some "planning experts" that would dictate an inflexible planning solution. People deserve choice. If they want to live in tram-track suburbs, good planning gives them the choice to do that. If growing suburbs on the fringe of the city meet their needs, then there must be appropriate supply."

So thereby voiding your government of appropriate planning? Argumentum ad ignoranum is a very powerful tool; repeat a lie long enough and it eventually gets excepted as fact. Planning experts are not being biased or deliberately incendiary. They're giving valid critique based on their experience. Why can't the government take them as seriously as they do the Reserve Bank economists? This is a sad case of politics defeating science. Clouding debate like a toxic vaper of Conservative Mormons going door-to-door.

"Critics of the Government's plan will seek to point out what they believe is wrong with Melbourne 2030. But if there is a comprehensive alternative to protecting and managing our growth and liveability, we are yet to hear it."

Oh Justin...does nobody think you have brains? There's a wealth of examples and knowledge out there if you'd care to look. Just glance over The Greens' transport plan. The submissions towards Melbourne2030 audits of whom I was a contributor. Are you telling me you haven't been listening? Oh that's right! All those nasty, evil greenie experts are biased. They're cultural snobs...how could I have forgotten that. Great argument lock here.

"The future is about opening up new land for development while securing new schools, roads, community facilities and services, public transport and health care."

Quantity over quality: a Labor politician's aphrodesiac. Enjoy, Melbournians...you voted these spineless developer-sycophants in.

Justin Madden does not deliver a good argument. He relies solely on the (patently erroneous) assumption that it's about cultural elitism...something, if it existed, his government could fix by boosting infrastructure in the outer suburbs. His opinion piece is an omission of failure dressed up in spin and nonsense.

Derailing my time

Too much work, too much booze and too much non-blog fun has led me to slightly abandon this blog of late. But do not fear, the exam period is nearly over and so I shall be posting routinely again soon. It's all very hectic.

In other news, my mum has recently allowed a friend of hers who recently turned homeless to shack up in our house for an extended period of time. I got this random call out of the blue and she's like "she's staying for a few months, perhaps". So long as she doesn't use my computer (and locate my porn), I'm happy...

My Mobile

My mobile phone is on its last legs. Since about ten days ago, it's been spontaneously turning itself off. A loose electrical connection? That certainly seemed to be the case given that, after knocking it and 'wriggling' it a bit, it turned back on - as if the connection had been reestablished. But anyway, I'm thinking of getting an new phone. Mine's fairly ancient and has lasted me a good six years which - as far as mobile phones are concerned - is quite a feat. Compared to other phones, mine's in a retirement home with the IV drip about to be pulled.

Now how to get a replacement? I'm fairly sure the SIM card is unscathed...so that makes things much cheaper and easier when I replace it. I'm wanting a similar styled phone. One that isn't flimsy or susceptible to breakage on account of some new-age design that makes the phone look like some kind of wallet with an LCD screen. I want a durable phone; one that can be knocked around without the important features and mechanics being effected. A phone similar to this one will do nicely.
As for the ring-tone, I was thinking this trance/nightclub song, I've recently become addicted to:

Towers and Captions

Some billionaire wants to build high density apartments and offices in South Melbourne. My concern for South Melbourne and Southbank together is that they'll be turned into a mini-CBD without proper planning and adherence to the most rudimentary provisions that come with high density suburbs. It's already happening. Southbank is proverbially the most congested and unpleasant part of the inner city area to be in. The combination of the freeway, Crown Casino and light industry makes it an unpleasant area. I like the idea of high density, but as I've said before, I believe appropriate infrastructure must be provided as a matter of course.

And now for a light-hearted development: caption time. I want the funniest you can muster.

1. Reuben, in a drunken stupor, forgets to open his right eye.

2. Reuben hastily points out that whilst it may look like beer, urine is anything but...however he was too late.

3. Reuben gives his sack of cheap wine (goon) a stern telling off for eating his crisps.

4. Reuben's feet pass out from all the alcohol, and in an attempt to right himself against gravity, he lunges to the nearest shoulder.

5. "Bailleys travels this way...hic."

6. Reuben, after a bit of a struggle involving some Horseradish, allows Pru to smell whatever bollocks he's been drinking...

7. Reuben makes an obscene gesture with his almost-empty Strongbow bottle in an attempt to attract a mate.

The new messiah

Who does Russell T. Davies, outgoing Director of Doctor Who for the last several years, think he is? God? If you've been watching the latest episodes like I have, you'd have noticed a tendency to paint the character of The Doctor in a messianic way. This was typified nicely in the Christmas Special of 2008 - 'The Next Doctor' - where The Doctor is clearly portrayed as not just a hero, but also a savior. In the last few scenes where he 'saves the day', we tend to get him smiling and waving at a cohort of assembled humans and they appear to be revering him and even the character of Jackson Lake (the man who The Doctor has saved in that episode) says "I know that man; that Doctor on high. And I know he's done this deed a thousand times...but not once, no sir not ever has he ever been thanked...so I say to you on this Christmas Morn, Bravo Sir! Bravo!"

This characterisation of The Doctor is also quite omnipotent in Season Four's finale. Just look at the way the lighting has been done here as the Doctor steps out of the TARDIS. The music is very bombastic and portentous - as if heralding the arrival of a true Son of God. See:

Anyway, you get my point. It's true that The Doctor is meant to "burn at the centre of time" and "feel the turn of the universe", but he's not particularly vulnerable anymore. His character can be mellowed out and toned-down a bit by simply taking away some of the messianic production elements such as the choral music and the lighting heralding his arrival on the scene. What are your thoughts?

The Boat That Rocked and Dr. No

Another double review: The Boat that Rocked and Dr. No

The Boat That Rocked is a comedy film about a radio-broadcasting ship in the North sea, its idiosyncratic occupants and brazen (and satirical) attempts by the government at the time (the sixties) to have them eradicated. The plot revolves around a young man who arrives on the ship named Carl. Initially reluctant to partake in the amorous, drunken activities on the boat Carl eventually adapts. As this character begins to take shape, we learn of the other characters in a variety of humorous ways. We also learn of the government's attempts to silence their station; the minister in charge hires a Civil Servant called 'Twatt' who devises a series of measures to block the station - eventually resorting to military action to appease his boss. It's a linear plot.
I found The Boat That Rocked to be a delightful combination of strong character development and light humor. Any somber moments present (and there were a few scattered here and there) were inserted with tender care so as not to disrupt the flow. Character development was strong, but a little bit slow on the uptake and deepened progressively as the film progressed; the ship's 'captain' Quentin, for example, is revealed to be a very self-serving individual whereas initially we're led to believe he's quite benevolent and selfless. The dialogue is on-par, and includes a particularly funny scene when the said minister rebukes his staff over their hair saying "the only people who appreciate your hair are blind people, and even they can probably sense its profound ugliness". Production elements were also high in The Boat That Rocked. Good sixties music.
There's another review of it here.
Rating: 18/20
Trailer:


Dr. No was the first Bond film ever made. The film's story revolves around the evil Dr. No - a ruthless and cunning member of SPECTRE (the evil organisation that features in many James Bond films). The plot follows the standard Bond format: an incident gives MI7 reason to send in Bond, he meets a few attractive women (some of whom are working for the enemy), blows up a few enemies and their machines and then finally saves the day (and the 'goodie' women). I don't mind the formula; I like it.
Dr. No embodies that nice atmosphere that all the other Bond films do as well; there's a formidable sense of danger in almost every scene. The use of the robotic 'fire dragon' machine on Dr. No's island was the pinnacle of this adrenalin rush. The interactions with the women were interesting and not overtly sexual (sex was merely implied) and we see, quite lucidly, Bond's manipulative nature. Production elements, for its time, were high.
Rating: 18/20
Trailer:

Easter in the metropolis

It's the season for alcohol, seeing family members and participating in socially-enhancing but logically meaningless rituals. As mentioned at Non-Linear Thinking, the campus Christians have been out in force (if you count a bunch of baggy-trouser wearing men with pimples as a force), but so have beggars. Last night, I was accosted by a tenacious beggar who was on the brink of mugging me. In the last two days, I have been insulted by Fundamentalist Catholics on a tram (a hilarious incident, actually), preached at by a rabidly-bigoted evangelical (to whom I curtly responded with a "Merry Christmas") and apprehended by a man preaching about how doomed the world is. Brilliant.
I really hate being talked at, stopped by or otherwise accosted by members of the public who need something. What makes them think I can provide them with anything? I would never jump to support any religion, no matter how benevolent they claim to be; I don't give beggars anything because it's not certain what they'll spend it on - and it's the government's job to look after them. If they're really pushy, however, I'll just throw change at them to get them to bugger off. Otherwise, no.
The recession will make society, as a whole, more desperate and - in seeking resources - we will see more beggars on the street. Good luck, world.

Too much time

Some people have way too much time on their hands. Only someone with no job and no life comments on Facebook products.
Well how does it work? Every since the great Facebook revamp of March, 'products' (e.g. KitKats) assume the same format as 'friends'. So we get their statuses. I've 'become a fan of' various things, including Avocados. And whilst that's all well and good (I like avocados), I'm not remotely interested in their updates. I mean, how many witty or revealing things can an item of food say? And who actually writes them? Sadly that's not the end of it:
Look closely. Yes...that's right. Sad, time-free, jobless morons comment on the food itself. It reminds me of this post over at GrodsCorp.